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Susan Orlean

@susanorlean313k followers

Writer, writer, writer. Oh, I also write.

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Across 97 organic posts
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Oct 16
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Posts 97 posts
#DatePost↓ OutlierViewsLikesRepostsBookmarks
1Jul 18, '20WHO IS SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING40.5×071k8.5k211
2Mar 21, '20The truth is, it’s not so boring being stuck at home. But it’s interesting that one bag of rice has 8,453 grains, while another has 8,46230.1×055k5.8k226
3Jul 7, '22I honestly can’t remember if I’ve had kids with Elon Musk or not.23.5×045k2.5k193
4Jun 10, '19Shut the fuck up10.2×019k1.7k89
5Jul 18, '20I am@being shunned by my family because I am drunk. Yes ok I am fine with that FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKERS9.5×018k871131
6Aug 1, '20Fuck it, I’m having a drink.9.4×018k63037
7Jul 18, '20Maybe I am drinking too much during THE FUCKING PANDEMIC9.0×017k1.2k87
8Jul 18, '20Thinking of starting a Twitter account. Seems like you have fun here, yes?7.3×015k23342
9Jul 20, '20Having a glass of wine AS ONE DOES.5.9×012k39121
10Feb 24, '22I’m so confused. So many things to worry about: In what order does one worry about them?5.8×010k1.3k63
11Jan 24, '21I haven’t had a cold or even sniffles in a year. I’m going to keep wearing a mask in crowds and on planes even after I get vaccinated. They WORK.5.7×011k60135
12Aug 2, '20I’m drunk5.6×011k485103
13Jul 18, '20Ok a newborn colt rocks it totally and he thought my hand was his mom. It was not. He has tasted life’s infinite tragedy. As I mentioned Earlier I am inebriated5.5×09.7k887122
14Jul 19, '20I have a horrible feeling I slandered fennel seeds last night.5.1×011k19615
15May 14, '20Anyone else having vivid, strange, full-of-dread dreams?4.8×07.6k33425
16Jul 18, '20I’m falling down drunk. First time in ages. Where is my kitty? He is my drunk comfort animal.4.6×09k38147
17Jul 18, '20Drunk4.5×08.5k45666
18Jul 18, '20I am goi f to sleep. My husband has asked me five hundred rimes@if I am alright. That means it’s go to sleep o’clock4.5×09.2k24340
19Jul 18, '20BTW where exactly Is my fucking cat whe I need him4.5×08.2k73735
20Sep 10, '20Yeah, well, I’m hitting the sauce on a weeknight and I don’t give a fuck4.5×08.8k30925
21Sep 2, '21I’m so mad about so much that I can’t decide what to fixate on.4.4×08.1k62720
22Jan 13, '21Lately (or not so lately) I am having this problem where I can't keep my mind on a single thing for more than one nanosecond. I've never been more distracted/jumbled/jangled. Anybo4.3×08.1k22447
23Jan 31, '22I once wrote a story about the Super Bowl for the New Yorker and forgot to mention who won the game.4.2×08.8k15327
24Dec 17, '21Everyone I know is really blue. We’ve run out of resilience. The world feels small and fragile.3.8×07k50995
25Jul 18, '20I have SO NOT BEEN HACKED3.7×07.5k22919
26Aug 16, '20Yes, I’m watching Adaptation with my 15 yo son who has never seen it. Wish me luck.3.6×07.1k28151
27Jul 18, '20Finally3.6×07.4k19027
28Aug 6, '20People with super loud laughs: Please be aware that you are terrifying.3.5×05.5k27026
29Nov 4, '20Never underestimate how much people hate women, Black people, immigrants, masks, and science.3.5×05.5k95940
30Jul 19, '20I’ve just been nominated by Hangover Magazine to be its 2020 Spokesmodel. #proud3.0×06.3k1275
31Jul 18, '20Hahaha very funny whoever put the stool softener right next to the Tylenol2.8×05.5k20326
32Jul 19, '20And I still want candy.2.8×05.8k1225
33Sep 17, '20By the way I am not a wine industry spokesperson I am just a normal person freaking the fuck out2.7×05.4k22915
34Dec 17, '18As if we give a fuck.2.7×04.7k6404
35Aug 16, '20Say what you will about my Twitter feed but I have never posted gross pictures of my feet.2.7×05.6k1447
36Jan 5, '21Everyone I know (including me) is completely at the end of their ropes. It’s the surge plus the vaccine being close yet out of reach for most of us plus too long locked down plus w2.6×05k23034
37Jul 23, '20My neighbors have invited us over again. I see their evil ways. I will not be tempted!2.5×05.3k634
38Jul 18, '20No one on my house is talking to me right now ok!! YeH whatever I hzte you too2.5×04.7k26627
39Sep 13, '20I went through my jigsaw puzzle phase. I went through my bread-baking phase. I went through my color-my-own-roots phase. The only phase left is nonstop drinking.2.4×04.6k23918
40Oct 19, '20Not my fault. He sneaked into the car and came home with us.2.4×05.1k456
41Jul 18, '20You know I am currently trying to write a memoir and feel like a clown because WHO CARES ABOUR MY STUPID LIFE but maybe?2.4×04.5k20639
42Jul 18, '20Fuck the recycling. Going to look for candy which I bet doesn’t exists I. This house godd@@ Min it2.3×04.5k22518
43Oct 18, '20Best boy dog names? Asking for me in case the puppy I’m checking out tomorrow sneaks into the car and comes home with me just in case because that shit does happen sometimes2.3×03.4k4626
44Nov 4, '20How is this not a giant blowout for Biden? Where am I?2.2×04.1k1578
45Aug 17, '20Son’s response to Adaptation: “Mom, we have to talk.”2.2×04.4k21524
46Jul 18, '20Having I f the stupid fennel seed candy because I ha e no options2.2×04.1k14417
47Feb 20, '21I think Gavin Newsom should be recalled for having married Kimberly Guilfoyle.2.2×04.3k15112
48Dec 19, '20I’ve been mildly drunk since March2.1×04.1k17514
49Jul 18, '20I@had no idea I made yogurt today. Wow.2.1×04.1k19812
50Sep 10, '20I’ve been “in a mood” for six months now and I’m kind of done2.0×03.8k32511
51May 3, '22Roberts complaining about the leak is like reading your husband’s journal and discovering he’s cheating and having the conversation pivot to how terrible you are for reading his jo1.9×03.3k46311
52Oct 7, '20This is turning me into someone who cheers when I hear certain people are sick. Not something I’ve aspired to. Another reason I hate these people.1.9×03.7k1839
54Dec 18, '20Everything, everything, is just fucking HARD. I spent 99% of today trying to convince my 15 yo that Zoom school was awesome. IT IS NOT. Trying to work: Can’t focus. Bored, restless1.8×03.7k8625
55Oct 1, '20Life is so uncertain, but you can count on this: Whichever direction you first try to plug in a USB connector will be the wrong one.1.8×03.5k2605
56Jul 18, '20We do ha e so@e weird candy coated fennel seeds. Is that fucking candy?1.8×03.5k935
57Mar 14, '20I’m amazed by everyone who says they will get tons of work done during this lockdown. I can’t begin to focus! Am just obsessively reading the news, listening to the news, watching 1.8×03.2k25916
58Aug 19, '20A giant tree just fell on my street and knocked the power out. I feel it is urgent that I drink all the white wine in my refrigerator ASAP so it doesn’t spoil1.7×03.6k643
59Jul 18, '20I would like some candy1.7×03.2k2449
60Nov 8, '20I’m worried about Rudy Giuliani. KIDDING I AM SO NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT SHITBAG1.7×03.4k1322
61Jan 16, '21The fatigue I feel these days is unlike any other I've ever felt. I end each day just WRUNG out. After doing very little, btw. It's a kind of weariness that is new to me.1.6×03k14041
63Dec 30, '18Would you folks read a book about writing if I wrote it?1.6×02.7k527
64Jun 22, '20Getting edited is a privilege, not a punishment.1.6×02.7k29936
65Feb 7, '22I will be forever glad that I wrote a book about libraries because libraries are truly great.1.6×03k14215
66Nov 13, '20I really don’t understand why Michael Barbaro can’t say “Here’s what else you need to know today” in a normal way.1.5×02.8k11221
67Apr 26, '22We may all end up leaving Twitter, honestly who knows, but I will forever cherish the memory of getting drunk on here with you lovely people1.5×03k886
68Nov 30, '21I have my next book:1.4×02.9k11422
69Jul 19, '20Welp I had a wholesome day, and tonight I eschewed my customary Cucumber Mule because I’m, you know, cleansing my soul.1.4×03.1k253
70Aug 27, '20I am so addicted to semi-colons; is this because I can't ever finish a thought?1.4×02.6k1798
71Jul 17, '20I am not someone who prays but I am going to change my ways and start praying for Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I mean, pray really, really hard.1.4×02.8k1644
72Jul 27, '20I am simultaneously tired ALL THE TIME and jittery-awake all the time HELP1.4×02.6k16910
73Jul 18, '20Going to@go check on our recycling bin because1.4×02.8k1286
74Feb 22, '21What does Ted Cruz think he’s achieving with that beard?1.4×02.2k570
75Sep 19, '20I AM GOING TO VOTE SO HARD1.3×02.6k1730
76Jul 20, '20I’m at it again with the fennel seeds but I want you to know I am stone cold sober1.3×02.8k384
77Sep 3, '20In my humble opinion, the weekend has begun1.3×02.4k2135
78Dec 5, '20I honestly can't think of a reason not to have a drink1.3×02.5k853
79Jul 18, '20You guys. Do you tho k my neighbors think 🤔 I’m a. never mind I’m going f to bed1.3×02.6k909
80Jul 25, '20Just for the hell of it, tried on my wedding dress. Whatever the dentist gave me is obviously working1.3×02.7k557
81Jul 18, '20Proud fo day my husband is super embarrassed by me1.2×02.7k514
82Jan 15, '21Fuck Dry January1.2×02.4k681
83Aug 19, '20When this is all over, are we going to even WANT to go out anymore? I personally am devolving into someone who doesn't move beyond a six-foot radius.1.2×02.3k1076
84Feb 10, '22Just boarded a flight and am assessing which passenger we will have to duct-tape to his seat.1.2×02.4k702
85Jul 18, '20I’m sure my neighbors did not notice AT ALL that I was stumbling drunk leaving f the casual neighborhood get together fuck yeah1.2×02.5k526
86Oct 7, '20Being able to write requires quieting your brain. These days, my brain is very, very noisy.1.2×02.1k17420
87Oct 30, '20Just a gentle reminder that my birthday is Saturday and I would like an incontestable landslide victory and also jewelry.1.2×02.4k553
88Mar 10, '21Guys. Tonight is my last night ever in a house I built. My son was a baby here. I have had a million sweet memories here. I’m kind of overwhelmed.1.2×02.4k813
89Sep 12, '20Burned my tongue on my dinner so I get extra wine. My rules1.1×02.3k592
90Aug 7, '20I have a controversial opinion: THIS PANDEMIC SUCKS1.1×02.1k1091
91Oct 8, '20Booked the fly for my podcast1.1×02.1k1252
92Jul 19, '20COFFEE1.1×02.1k973
93Jan 6, '21FALSE ALARM I AM PLANNING TO KEEP DRINKING1.1×02.2k633
94Jul 18, '20Seriously we went to my neighbors to see their newborn colt who was born like five mi utes ago and we had some wine1.0×02.2k435
95Oct 22, '20I fucked off all day because... well, no excuse except once in a while it seems the right choice. Now I'm dipping my toe into a short tumbler of Sauvignon Blanc and singing the blu1.0×02k407
96Oct 8, '20Already semi-drunk and the debate hasn’t started1.0×02k520
97Sep 27, '20Let us praise the lord for decent screwtop wines hallelujah1.0×01.9k701
98Aug 8, '20I do declare I’ve been overserved.0.9×01.9k332
99Aug 22, '21Recovering 👍👍🤞👍🤞0.9×01.9k113

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