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rob delaney

@robdelaney1.3M followers

You can get my book, A Heart That Works, at the link below.

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Across 99 organic posts
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Oct 16
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Posts 99 posts
#DatePost↓ OutlierViewsLikesRepostsBookmarks
1Jan 16, '23View post on X22.5×4.3M42k4.8k314
2Sep 2, '23Show me this photo if I ever need to lift a car off a child or something22.2×4.3M47k1.8k3k
3Oct 28, '23This is what it was like spending time with our son’s dead body. He had cancer so there was nothing we could do to stop it. I think I’m posting this because many making/avoiding de14.3×2.8M24k2.1k957
4Feb 7, '23My wife wanted to make love tonight. Had to take a rain check. I’m still so fuckin angry about the Chinese spy balloon. I’ve never known rage, or fear, like this.13.5×2.6M28k1.1k247
5Jul 25, '23Shrek & the BTK Killer11.7×2.3M24k1.1k105
6Jul 9, '24Just had a brief but very illuminating conversation with President Biden, whom I support fully. He told me as a kid in Scranton he used to… here’s the deal: you take an old tire an11.1×2.1M32k1.7k1.1k
7Dec 27, '22Tesla’s plummeting stock price might be “funny” to some but consider this: my portfolio has suffered to the extent that I will have to reduce the number of multi-family homes I buy10.9×2.1M29k1.6k155
8Aug 1, '24If the first thing you say about trans people is about bathrooms or sports & not about how to make the world safer for these beautiful children of God, you need real help.7.9×1.5M26k2.9k374
9Jun 17, '24Doesn’t really sound like a “war” then.7.8×1.5M41k10k500
10Apr 30, '22View post on X7.2×0137k13k2.5k
11Sep 27, '24Appropriate that he ordered the strike with American bombs from American soil. Our tax dollars helped murder Lebanese & Palestinian civilians again today, rather than pave a ro7.1×1.4M33k7.5k665
12Feb 4, '18As of today I’ve been sober 1️⃣6️⃣ years. 16 yrs ago I was in jail in a wheelchair, covered in blood, both arms broken, after driving blackout drunk into a building. Today, I’m hom6.7×0142k5.5k1
13Jun 20, '21Just met a 1 year old named Barbara. Didn’t know they were doing that!5.9×0121k7.2k547
14Nov 23, '19May I ask you to watch this short video I made about the NHS?5.5×069k25k838
15Aug 18, '17I'm truley sorry I voted for Trump. I only wanted disabled kids to lose their Medicaid ;I didn't want people to know im racist5.4×088k18k50
16Sep 12, '20View post on X5.2×088k13k1.1k
17Jun 17, '18This is the first Father’s Day since my beautiful Henry died. Love today to all dads & moms who’ve lost a child.🦉4.8×0102k3.5k26
18Jun 8, '20CNN’s homepage right now. Thank you protesters across the US & the world.4.6×061k23k801
20May 4, '17Jason Chaffetz, fresh from surgery FOR A PREEXISTING CONDITION, en route to sign death warrant for disabled children.4.1×040k25k1
21Feb 5, '20As of today I’ve been sober for 18 years. I hesitated posting this today but I feel duty-bound to let those who need help with booze or drugs know that there is another way. Thank 3.8×083k1.9k78
22Dec 22, '19Just stormed out of “Cats” with my sons Bairon & Tannis because of how much the Judi Dench cat licks her own asshole. Once I’d understand, but she acts like the thing is a godd3.6×070k5.5k541
23Mar 9, '16"Now I don't know what this is, but I know I don't like it."3.5×041k20k29
24Apr 23, '22Pretty hostile of a job to require a college degree. “You and/or your parents must take out loans of $100,000 or we won’t let your log into SalesForce in our windowless building ne3.5×069k5.4k647
25May 8, '20I have never “cat called” a woman. I go home, paint her from memory & then yell at the painting. It’s called respect.3.4×071k4.2k261
26Dec 20, '17You guys poll any other private citizens’ popularity? How’s my cousin Geoff doing?3.3×057k9.1k2
27Jan 16, '24❤️God bless this titan among men❤️3.2×621k22k3.7k168
28May 31, '20ANTIFA: cool & good3.1×059k5.9k151
29Aug 28, '24I’m not afraid to call #BadMonkey episode 4 what it is: Event Television. Now, on @AppleTV. 🐒🪚👙2.9×551k7173554
30Jun 23, '17Hi there. I'm Mitch McConnell. When I'm not having disabled people arrested for protesting a bill that will kill them, my hobbies include2.9×032k16k3
31Dec 14, '12If your response to calls for gun control is “Should we get rid of cars too?” the answer is, for you, yes. You should not have a gun or car.2.8×028k19k20
32Mar 3, '19Hint: the one woman who doesn’t is worth $29 million.2.5×046k6.4k121
33Feb 19, '19Active shooter drills?2.4×045k5.3k60
34Mar 18, '17.@seanspicer Can you get this taken down?2.4×022k13k4
35Feb 23, '20Oh my God.2.3×042k4.1k214
36Sep 4, '19Today would have been our son Henry’s first day of reception. Would’ve loved to see him in his little uniform like his big brothers. ❤️ to all parents & siblings of wee ones wh2.3×050k73921
37Jan 3, '20>80 million people live in Iran. I know many wonderful people from Iran. I don’t want 20 yr olds from Indiana to go there & kill civilians & kids & then get killed t2.3×042k5.3k152
38Jan 10, '21How does 56 yr old Kamala Harris wear Chuck Taylors all the time? I’m 43 & if I wore them for 3 hours I would have to go to the emergency room. Are they hollowed out & file2.3×047k1.2k177
39Feb 9, '18Henry2.1×034k3.1k5
40Mar 25, '19I hate people who are like “So & so got me sick.” What are you, fuckin Columbo the epidemiologist? The world’s a toilet. You got yourself sick. Fuck off & stop blaming othe2.1×041k3.4k175
41Mar 9, '20Watch this man! Just now on Fox. Get this in front of your Michigan aunt or coach. Amazing.2.1×031k7k1.2k
42Jun 2, '19What a cunt2.1×029k6.3k244
43Jun 18, '20For all those wondering, this is my son Nestor. We share no blood but he is my life. He came from Cuba (legally, of course) six years ago and lives with me in Florida. I am so prou2.0×041k2.7k136
44Dec 26, '18Our first Christmas without Henry came & went. The day itself was okay, maybe because there were so many horrible, painful days leading up to it; we must have hit our quota or 2.0×044k84256
45Feb 4, '191️⃣7️⃣2.0×043k1.3k53
46Jul 17, '19How to say this simply? I lived in the US until I was 37 & had private health insurance most of my life. For the past 5 yrs I’ve lived in the UK & use the NHS. The NHS is a1.9×033k4.7k203
47Aug 23, '20I am SICK. I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut & I’ll probably delete this, but Melania profaning the White House Rose Garden with her tasteless “redesign” is the final straw. I w1.8×038k1.1k122
48Jul 5, '21The iPhone “dashboard” or whatever shows you “featured photos” every morning. Mine always include a few of my son Henry who died 3 yrs ago. I cannot put into words how much I love 1.8×040k21668
49Jun 15, '20Trump tweeted that he did a good job walking down a ramp & then Ted Cruz did a tweet challenging an actor to fight another man. Raw masculine power.1.8×034k3.2k101
50Jul 31, '19Haha only just watched this. Matthews sucks. Bitch if my taxes go from $1000 to $1100 but my usurious, useless insurance premium goes from $800 to $0, I SAVE MONEY YOU BLATHERING S1.7×030k4.1k535
51Oct 9, '17Next Sunday Mike & Karen Pence will spend $223 billion taxpayer dollars to fly to the moon for 15 minutes & yodel the N word at an apple pie1.7×030k4.6k3
52Mar 30, '20Best lockdown burn so far: my wife said to me “Just because you’re bad at being a man doesn’t mean you’re a feminist.”1.7×035k1.8k189
53Apr 18, '21Just had my 2nd Pfizer dose! Had my 3rd Moderna on Friday and tomorrow I’ll get my 8th AstraZeneca. I’m in a great deal of pain & can “hear” my blood.1.6×034k1.8k135
54Aug 29, '20❤️❤️❤️1.6×029k3.6k577
55Jun 26, '19Megan Rapinoe with the assist, Ali Krieger heads it into the net.1.6×030k3.4k75
56Jan 28, '21I appreciate that the GameStop stuff is “funny” to some of you but I had planned to buy my wife a (modest) boat for Valentine’s Day & now I can’t & I’m going to have to wor1.6×033k1.7k110
57May 25, '19WHYYY did I wait so long to watch this?? So happy to share with my American friends after it’s made the rounds here in the UK.1.6×021k5.9k755
58Mar 20, '19Hard to post this but I feel a duty to other bereaved parents & siblings.1.6×029k2.3k397
59Jun 16, '19Thinking of other bereaved dads today. I’ve really hated today. It’s been excruciating to be honest. I look forward to tomorrow.1.5×034k48028
60Mar 28, '20“But I’ll be damned if you’re not gonna pay for your kid’s chemo.” - Joe Biden1.5×027k3.6k83
61Feb 9, '19It should be safe, legal (& local) for women to get abortions & my taxes should pay for it.🐏🦚🏌🏼‍♂️1.5×029k2.6k17
62May 24, '19Love that this clip is even taking America by storm. Well done @OwenJones841.5×026k3.7k267
63Dec 20, '20As insane as any Trump tweet.1.5×030k1.5k107
64May 4, '18I’ll eat his wife’s pussy1.4×028k2.3k25
65Sep 18, '18I hope this helps.1.4×023k2.9k380
66Dec 15, '22Gorgeous day for a nurses’ strike outside Great Ormond St Hospital. So grateful for their unmatched care & skill. Now let’s get them the fucking pay rise they deserve & tha1.4×026k3.3k43
67Apr 6, '21Knocked it out of the PARK in Chernobyl. Watching it I consciously thought, "Oh, we have a new movie star." Between that & how funny he was in Friday Night Dinner... just unrea1.4×029k1.8k96
68Oct 25, '22Sunak correct that there’s no “magic money tree.” It’s not magic & it’s actually more of a forest, watered with the sweat & blood of workers & then chipped down and hoa1.4×024k4.4k119
69Jan 30, '20My 7 yr old wrote a letter to the tooth fairy yesterday. He hasn’t lost a tooth yet, nor does he have any loose teeth. He just wanted to introduce himself.1.4×031k83559
70Feb 21, '18Kids don’t worry about getting suspended. I got suspended for more than 3 days in high school & I have my own tv show & a sexy wife. Piss on the GOP & the NRA. They fea1.4×025k3.6k1
71May 5, '21when you see one of these MFs? You just KNOW it’s dinner time! 🤣1.4×028k1.5k144
72Sep 8, '19We got our 1 yr old his vaccinations the other day because we’re not insane & we give a shit about herd immunity & ppl w compromised immune systems.1.4×028k1.8k22
73Nov 16, '20🇺🇸It is my GOD GIVEN RIGHT as an American to contract the novel coronarivus at a CIGAR BAR and then starve to death as I try to study the HEIROGLYPHICS in the COBRA plan from my 1.3×027k2.2k149
74Oct 15, '17No but my favorite aunt is?1.3×026k2.7k0
75Sep 30, '17You literally sent this from a golf course you fat bigot1.3×023k3.4k0
76Feb 5, '22🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸1.3×027k1.5k109
77Sep 8, '20Here’s another tweet, you pieces of shit1.3×027k1k81
78Mar 3, '20If there’s one thing Pete & Amy hate more than each other, it’s you having health care.1.3×023k3k60
79Jan 8, '21My 9 year old who is doing remote learning just printed this out & I don’t know why1.3×027k631127
80Mar 15, '19Remembering the wonderful young midwife in a hijab who delivered my son Henry. The Muslim surgeon who removed his first tumor. I am grateful for the care Muslims in & out of th1.2×026k1.5k17
81Dec 10, '19Motherfucker I’m an immigrant & I turned a fucking cash hose on & sprayed it up the NHS’s ass the second my plane landed. Some of that £ paid the European & Asian nurse1.2×024k2.1k63
82Feb 10, '18Riding in black cabs was one of Henry’s great joys. He would often thank the driver in sign language at the end of a ride. Many drivers wouldn’t accept £ when they learned our dest1.2×025k1.5k1
83Aug 14, '18Give a man a fish… Just give him the fish, asshole. He’s hungry, you’ve got an extra fish. Hand it over, fuckface. He doesn’t have time to go to your shitty “fishing school.” I’m g1.2×022k3.2k80
84Feb 4, '17As of today, I've been sober 1️⃣5️⃣ years.1.2×023k1.8k1
85Oct 22, '19My mom would like a word.1.2×025k1.3k45
86Oct 11, '19Rot in hell nazi cunt1.1×021k1.5k343
87Dec 8, '20It is not possible for me to reply to every bereaved parent & sibling who has replied to this but please know I love you all & am grateful for all the help you give me &amp1.1×023k895372
88Aug 6, '20One time Jon Hamm was sitting in the booth next to me, but he had gained a lot of weight & was dresssed like shit & crying but then I realized it was just a mirror.1.1×024k75993
89Jul 16, '22Make sure your 𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖍 has access to shade & plenty of water during this heatwave1.1×020k2.1k136
90Sep 7, '21Hey man these are personal messages. I’d be greatful if you deleted1.1×023k862263
91Mar 20, '21Can’t wait to get vaccinated and rail your aunt1.1×022k1.2k92
92Apr 19, '18Friends, if today wasn’t already great enough, I just got the top of the bus to myself & I can sit up front & pretend I’m driving! #BeepBeep!1.0×022k68110
93Nov 10, '18A Gallery of Cowards ,1.0×021k1.5k28
94May 8, '19My son needed to see a dr. today. Got a walk-in appt at local NHS GP. Dr. was kind/thorough. No co-pay or visit to a billing office. Wasn’t free; it’s funded thru taxes & Nat’l1.0×020k1.7k22
95Aug 26, '19That’s hilariously low.1.0×020k1.7k20
96Apr 5, '19If respecting women is a crime then put me in prison for 700 consecutive life sentences. #1.0×020k1.5k40
97Feb 8, '19Just vaccinated your son while you were at shithead class1.0×020k1.5k27
98Feb 4, '211️⃣9️⃣1.0×022k32964
99Oct 4, '20My wife wants to make love while the President has the freaking novel coronavirus! Nice try, psycho!1.0×022k61078
100Jun 20, '18I hated people who showed disrespect to people with disabilities before I had a disabled child. Now? I’ll fucking shred you. They’ll hose you off the road & into the sewer.0.9×019k1.2k10

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