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Gabriel Oguda

@gabrieloguda1.1M followers

'This is home; if it takes 20 years, we will wait.'

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Oct 16
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Posts 98 posts
#DatePost↓ OutlierViewsLikesRepostsBookmarks
1Jun 24, '24Guys. Cops are at my gate.8.9×1.4M22k9.8k242
2Jul 3, '24Here is the withering speech by Kisii Senator Richard Onyonka that could boil my grandmother's yams.6.5×980k18k10k4k
3Jul 23, '24Ruto sent the Kenyan military to the streets to back up overwhelmed police, only for the public to abandon demos and start cheering them on. Whoever came up with that idea will not6.0×915k15k5.2k780
4Jun 25, '24Leader of Minority, @OpiyoWandayi.5.7×859k14k6k406
5Jul 2, '24Guess who's back!5.4×817k26k8.5k376
6Jul 11, '24You guys want me to walk naked for real, or you just want to see something?5.2×790k20k4.7k153
7Jul 9, '24Oya, @WilliamsRuto. When you watch this video, how do you feel?5.2×785k14k7.6k1.7k
8Jun 25, '24It's Deco has released his long awaited monster banger featuring Polycarp of Sauti Sol, just in time for the Total Shutdown today. All hands are now on deck, you guy my guy. They w5.1×774k18k9.1k900
9Jul 11, '24Yaani that CS who called me a terrorist on Citizen TV has been fired for real? Mungu bariki wengine sasa.5.1×770k31k11k992
10Jan 10, '24This is your weekly reminder that Uhuru Kenyatta constructed these affordable housing units without the Housing Levy.5.1×769k17k6.1k206
11Jul 23, '24And you people still say you have a country.5.0×766k15k7k1.4k
12Jul 4, '24It now makes sense why Ruto chose Gachagua over Kindiki.5.0×762k13k3.3k140
13Jun 23, '24Nyahururu people are asking for Ruto to stop hiding inside the church and come out to address them if he's man enough. They will not believe. They will not believe.5.0×759k19k7.3k630
14Jul 2, '24Yvonne Okwara is on my TV saying that Gov't Spokesperson Isaac Mwaura, begged Citizen TV for a slot this evening, and after they granted his wish, the guy sent back word saying he 5.0×756k12k3.1k232
15Jul 22, '24State House intercessors invited Pastor Nganga to their Gov't sponsored prayer for peace rally, only for them to be told to go play in the grass over there. Bwana someone find Past4.9×747k16k5.2k1.1k
16Jul 4, '24Gen Zs have said they will also host their parallel X Space session at the same time Ruto will be speaking to his children tomorrow. This is the violence I signed up for.4.7×711k21k9.7k197
17Jun 24, '24Gen Z's in Eldoret have struck first. They will not believe.4.7×709k18k7k873
18Jul 7, '24The fear is gone. They will not believe.4.6×702k13k5.2k1.2k
19Jun 25, '24BREAKING: The clergy at the All Saints Cathedral have agreed to open their grounds to all injured protestors who may need medical help today. We will remember not to forget.4.4×674k13k5.6k166
20Jun 21, '24Bondo MP Gideon Ochanda voted YES to the Finance Bill 2024, so Gen Z's in Bondo woke up this morning to organize a funeral procession to his home. They will not believe. They will 4.4×669k13k3.4k153
21Jul 2, '24For those asking. The guru behind the restoration of my X account is @suprimoheywood kijana wa nguvu sana. He will also go to heaven straight.4.3×646k21k5.9k454
22Jul 4, '24Kithure Kindiki should know ile siku he will fall from grace I will walk naked on Langata Road sipping guava juice. and hi-fiving everyone on the road. God is not Kamau.4.2×638k11k4k147
23Jul 16, '24The Bible says that when you see Persons With Disability braving police brutality to come out and cry for their country, know that you're living in the end times.4.1×629k21k8k242
24Jun 16, '24The fear is gone, and the clouds are gathering.4.1×617k15k4.4k310
25Jul 16, '24Crazy Kennar for Ballon d'Or.4.0×605k18k6.6k580
26Jul 2, '24But that Ford Ranger Double Cab is so comfy, you guys. As we were flying to Kajiado, Nyashinki's Naogopa Mungu Pekee came on the stereo. Bwana I started singing along only to stop 4.0×601k19k5.5k217
27Jun 22, '24They've printed t-shirts with Jacob Juma's prophetic tweets for next week's demos, you guy my guy. They will not believe. They will not believe.3.9×598k17k7.4k255
28Jul 10, '24Have you guys seen that video of villagers storming a police station in Kigumo, Muranga, to lynch a murder suspect to death? Boss, they fought cops for six hours back-to-back until3.9×589k14k4.1k180
29Jul 21, '24Someone find the KTN NEWS crew and give them my Malaria vaccine.3.8×573k13k4.8k1.3k
30Jun 21, '24BREAKING: Ababu Namwamba is seeing bad things at the Carnivore Restaurant right now. They will not believe. They will not believe.3.7×569k13k5.5k458
31Jun 21, '24BREAKING: ODM Secretary General Edwin Sifuna announces that they're going to pick two MPs who voted YES to the Finance Bill 2024, to teach them a lesson that they will never forget3.7×561k18k5.7k559
32Jul 2, '24Those Subaru guys thought they had my phone in their custody only to see my scheduled tweets coming in thick and fast. Bwana they sent another platoon to Kajiado Police Station at 3.7×557k24k8.4k267
33Jun 19, '24When telcos share our personal numbers with betting companies to send us unsolicited messages - you are silent. When telcos collude with KRA to share our personal numbers for them 3.6×550k11k6.2k247
34Jun 22, '24Gen Z's wamefika Wall Street Journal front page, you guy my guy. American Businesses are about to call State House to ask some difficult questions. They will not believe. They will3.6×543k18k6.7k247
35Jul 11, '24Class, what is happening to the pressure?3.5×538k20k6.5k116
36Jun 25, '24Asubuhi na mapema. If you meet any police officer threatening you on the streets today, play this message for them with an open chest. They will not believe.3.5×536k11k7k949
37Jun 24, '24Citizen TV have decided to do the Lord's work tonight, as the whole country keeps vigil for tomorrow's mother of all street bashes. They will not believe.3.5×532k12k6k414
38Jun 21, '24BREAKING: Juja MP George Koimburi has decided to tell Rigathi Gachagua straight to his face why he voted NO to the Finance Bill 2024, amid wild cheers from the crowd. They will not3.5×526k13k4k777
39Jun 20, '24Those Anon guys were serious. Parliament website is down.3.4×523k13k3.5k121
40Jul 8, '24Even if Rachel Ruto prays for heavy rains to wash away the sins of her husband, we will still float on the flood waters chanting Ruto Must Go.3.4×522k17k7.9k217
41Jul 11, '24Baba amesema niwasalimie hapo nje.3.4×522k15k2.2k70
42Jul 16, '24Over there in Kitengela, Gen Zs have not only told the police to go back to their families, but they've also decided to escort them there. They will not believe.3.4×520k12k5.2k415
43Jul 18, '24They Won't Believe. They Will Not Believe.3.4×512k19k4.9k127
44Jun 18, '24David Ndii made fun of Gen Z, calling them online wankers. Today, they reached out for their tennis rackets, informed their coaches that they will be absconding training today to a3.3×507k11k2.4k134
45Jun 22, '24Citizen TV reporting that Gen Z's in Nyahururu have sent greetings to the ACK Church where Ruto is going to attend a church function tomorrow. They're saying if there won't be seat3.3×506k15k4.9k112
46Jun 18, '24Ruto thinks this generation is like the one he grew up in, which used to shake like a leaf whenever Moi cleared his throat.3.2×486k17k4.1k168
47Jul 2, '24At a time like this, last week, there's a Gen Z who was dumped into our cell and the first thing he told us was that they finally managed to Occupy Parliament. Bwana I hugged him s3.2×481k21k6.8k195
48Jun 21, '24BREAKING: For those asking what's next after the MPs betrayed the will of Kenyans, Gen Z's have come out to give us the next course of action. Share widely and remind them that thi3.1×475k14k9.5k305
49Jul 7, '24Kenyans remain undefeated. They are not believing.3.1×475k13k4.7k687
50Jul 6, '24BREAKING: Ruto thought he could buy out the Law Society of Kenya (LSK) with loose change the way he does to his chicken in Sugoi. He's been told to fold it nicely and shove it down3.1×466k13k5.6k331
51Jun 24, '24Gen Zs in Eldoret have decided they will not sleep, as they rehearse for tomorrow's shutdown. They will not believe.3.1×465k11k4.6k191
52Jan 27, '24Someone find Salasya and give him my Malaria vaccine.3.0×462k13k3.6k102
53Jun 20, '24BREAKING: Phelix Odiwuor Khodhe, alias Jalango, MP Langata, and one of the six rebel ODM MPs who went to State House to work with Ruto, has just announced on the floor of the House3.0×455k15k4.4k87
54Jun 22, '24Amerix has lectured Aaron Cheruiyot a good one. He will not believe. He will not believe.3.0×448k14k4.5k102
55Jul 20, '24Ati Ruto replaced Salaam Aleko with Aleko Salaam. Mimi Kenya sihami.2.9×438k14k3.8k114
56Jun 20, '24This is Eldoret, William Ruto's stomping ground. He will not believe. He will not believe.2.9×437k14k6.1k281
57Jul 13, '24The only president currently working.2.7×416k16k6.3k463
58Jul 3, '24Oya, @DCI_Kenya. Kenyans have saved you money, we'd like to see you pulling up at Sylvanus Osoro's home in that Ford Ranger Double Cab at 1.40am to break his gate. Msitubebe ufala 2.6×391k12k6.4k171
59Jul 7, '24But who are you? What are you? Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know me? Do I know you? Get the hell out of my face Because eh! I Am Unbwogable!2.5×381k13k5k695
60Jun 22, '24Golden Star Restaurant, you're on the right side of history. We will remember not to forget.2.5×374k15k3.9k261
61Jul 8, '24Omwami, @AbabuNamwamba. Just so that you know, we aren't asking for the list of those going to the Paris Olympic Games alone, we need a breakdown of how much it will cost the taxpa2.4×371k14k6k107
62Jun 23, '24Dear, @WhiteHouse. Could we kindly get a statement from President Joe Biden on the deteriorating human rights situation in Kenya right now? Please, do not put a blind eye to the Go2.4×370k12k7.7k112
63Jul 2, '24Oya, @WilliamsRuto. How do you feel watching this video?2.4×367k13k7.9k491
64Jul 3, '24That tea I declined to drink came with one triangle mandazi the size of Nakhumicha's brain. I took one bite on it to scare the enzymes away, bwana that thing almost broke my tooth.2.4×364k14k4.1k101
65Jul 19, '24Ruto doesn't know it yet, but he will have to explain why he gazetted the firing of those CSs and even provided the grounds for their dismissal. If you have sacked somebody publicl2.4×364k12k4.3k98
66Jul 5, '24SAY THEIR NAMES.2.4×358k12k8.3k114
67Jul 8, '24Intern doctors have said they shall not return home, until Health CS Susan Nakhumicha is fired, or they receive their appointment letters, whichever comes first. They will not beli2.4×357k17k7.3k130
68Jun 20, '24He will not believe. He will not believe.2.4×357k12k4.6k121
69Jun 23, '24Dear, @IAmSteveHarvey. Are you aware the Kenyans you took photos with at Tyler Perry studios last month are currently kidnapping young Kenyans and holding them incommunicado? Are t2.3×354k13k7.4k113
70Jul 6, '24Saturday Standard p9 wanasema the US and UK Embassies are finalizing a list of National and County Gov't officials, their advisors and spouses, who are about to be slapped with VIS2.3×354k13k4.6k189
71Jun 20, '24They will not believe. They will not believe.2.3×352k14k5.6k168
72Jun 21, '24MC Jessy is roasting Ababu Namwamba bwana, telling him the 300,000 he's contributed towards Fred Omondi's burial is peanuts, upon which the crowd reminds him, "na ni pesa yetu!". T2.3×351k15k4.8k117
73Jul 26, '24Boniface Mwangi deserves all the grace he can get. For someone who has put his life on the line to defend basic freedoms on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves, the lea2.2×340k13k4.4k93
74Jul 19, '24Bwana whoever advised me to wait until the new cabinet is appointed before walking naked on Langata Road, bwana God bless you so much, you have saved my life.2.2×338k13k3.1k59
75Jul 3, '24Today's NATION stumbled on an NIS brief listing six politicians and two NGOs as the sponsors behind the goons who ran riot on the streets yesterday. But the Interior CS will not ar2.2×332k12k5k159
76Jul 8, '24Dr Mukhisa Kituyi has called Ruto "economically illiterate", LIVE on Citizen TV. Bwana someone hold me.2.2×327k13k4k102
77Jul 11, '24It has just occurred to me, that I might walk naked this evening, alafu Ruto arudishe huyo Cricket Sounds back to Cabinet. Bwana si hapo atakuwa amekuja sana?2.1×325k13k3.4k46
78Jul 2, '24I'm seeing here in today's NATION pg 3 that the Narok police shot dead 19yo Brian Kasaine, who scored a B+ in last year's KCSE and was waiting to join university. I thought your fa2.1×320k13k5.5k87
79Jul 8, '24Today's Standard has mentioned the following Cabinet Secretaries as those Ruto is under pressure to fire: Mithika Linturi, Susan Nakhumicha, Kipchumba Murkomen, Ezekiel Machogu, Mo2.1×319k12k3.7k79
80Jul 9, '24Ruto's voice is too dry, he needs to start drinking beer, as the anointing oil is clearly not working.2.1×318k11k3.1k63
81Jun 20, '24BREAKING: Speaker Moses Wetangula has bowed to pressure and ruled that voting will be conducted manually. Bwana all traitors will now have their faces marked live on television for2.1×318k12k4.6k101
82Jul 19, '24Someone inform Pastor Nganga that Kindiki has been reappointed back to cabinet. Sunday's service at Neno Evangelism Centre will be lit.2.1×312k12k3.8k60
83Jul 12, '24They will not believe. They will not believe.2.1×312k13k5.4k146
84Jul 11, '24Saa hii ukijaribu kupiga simu ya CS ama PS by mistake inachukuliwa haraka upesi sana. People who were two weeks ago walking like they own the world are now perusing Bible verses yo2.0×310k12k4k86
85Jul 8, '24Ruto has called the media to the signing of the IEBC Bill tomorrow at the KICC. Yaani you guys locked the guy inside State House until he's suffocating for fresh air like my grandm2.0×308k11k3.2k63
86Jul 2, '24Kumbe police stations have a resident chaplain? Bwana some female police officer came to pray for those going to court that Tuesday morning, the Gen Zs in my cell asked her to go p2.0×308k15k5k97
87Jul 4, '24Daily Nation is saying that Ruto was to shakeup his Cabinet yesterday, but he was waiting for Gachagua to finish burying his sister. So, anytime between today afternoon and Friday 2.0×303k12k3.7k97
88Jun 21, '24Arrow Boy came on stage and asked the DJ to cue in the Bado Mapambano track, upon which the crowd rose up to sing along. Bwana they will not believe. They will not believe.2.0×302k11k3.3k60
89Jul 7, '24I'm told Ombachi is doing the Lord's work on some space right now, and I can't help but stan a Kenyan legend. Bwana, someone find that GOAT and give him my Malaria vaccine.1.9×287k12k2.9k61
90Jul 10, '24Denzel Omondi, the 23yo JKUAT student, died by drowning after being tortured by Govt officers, but you'll still hear that Cricket Sounds CS denying abductions and torture of young 1.9×283k13k6.2k94
91Jul 5, '24When they were kidnapping Twitter users at the dead of the night, didn't anyone remind them that they will need the same people to attend their Spaces later on? Malipo ni hapa hapa1.8×269k12k5.3k71
92Jun 20, '24Gen Z have said the plan this Sunday is to Occupy all the Churches that are run by pastors who are on record to have received money from State House to oppress the people. They wil1.8×268k13k4.5k123
93Jul 12, '24Kithure Kindiki should start telling us why Kenyans were murdered under his watch, before someone drags him to court. He shouldn't think we will let him go like that.1.8×267k13k5.9k47
94Jun 20, '24They will not believe. They will not believe.1.7×256k14k5k79
95Jul 2, '24BREAKING: The ODM Party has announced they shall begin the recall process of Gem, Bondo, Navakholo, Kajiado Central, Ikolomani and Suba South MPs with immediate effect. Bwana if yo1.7×251k11k4.5k79
96Oct 12, '22This is the President of Uganda.1.6×015k4.2k881
97Jun 22, '24"Itumbi I worked with you, ulinitumia kufanya kazi chafu ya kuchapa opposition. Hatujasau maneno ya Bogonko Bosire wewe. Mimi siku hizi huwezi ninunua na 527 bob." Bwana that space1.6×243k12k4.4k75
98Jul 4, '24As for me, I just want to ask Ruto what I did to him to send cops to break my gate at ungodly hours. If there's any of his chicken I ever ate to justify his violence on me, he will1.6×239k11k3.6k56

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