| 1 | Jan 18, '23 | Men will literally build entire Nintendo Switch entertainment units instead of going to therapy. | 62.3× | 14.6M | 69k | 9.9k | 5.6k |
| 2 | May 12, '24 | Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast. | 54.1× | 12.7M | 144k | 7.6k | 3.1k |
| 3 | Jul 8, '23 | What goes on here? | 39.8× | 9.3M | 41k | 1.7k | 575 |
| 4 | Feb 7, '25 | Never forget the paper straw wrapped in plastic. | 38.8× | 9.1M | 325k | 21k | 4.4k |
| 5 | Aug 24, '23 | Me right before letting everyone down… | 35.7× | 8.4M | 31k | 4.2k | 1.9k |
| 6 | Aug 9, '24 | “These edibles ain’t working!” *15 minutes later* | 34.1× | 8M | 57k | 5.4k | 4.2k |
| 7 | May 9, '24 | My daughter was feeling sad on our walk to school today, so I reminded her that we refinanced our mortgage at 2.99%. | 28.3× | 6.6M | 63k | 1.9k | 958 |
| 8 | Apr 27, '24 | Me destroying the family computer with Limewire… | 25× | 5.9M | 38k | 5.6k | 880 |
| 9 | Apr 12, '25 | We will tariff China on everything but the 99% of what we import! | 23.2× | 5.4M | 60k | 5.5k | 2.5k |
| 10 | Apr 2, '25 | I have announced the following tariffs: Wife: 50% Kid 1: 30% Kid 2: 25% Mother-in-law: 100% Dog: 0% | 21.9× | 5.1M | 89k | 5k | 2.3k |
| 11 | Apr 29, '25 | Amazon: Tariffs are making things more expensive. White House: No they aren’t. Amazon: *shows prices with tariffs* White House: This is a hostile and political act! | 21.7× | 5.1M | 165k | 19k | 4.2k |
| 12 | Nov 5, '24 | No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself. | 20.5× | 4.8M | 142k | 10k | 1.8k |
| 13 | Mar 31, '24 | I sent my kids on an Easter egg hunt but didn’t hide any eggs. Time for a relaxing Sunday. | 18.7× | 4.4M | 52k | 2.4k | 552 |
| 14 | Mar 6, '25 | Monday - Roll back tariffs Tuesday - Reinstate tariffs Wednesday - Roll back tariffs Thursday - Reinstate tariffs Friday - Roll back tariffs Saturday - Golf Sunday - Golf | 17.8× | 4.2M | 114k | 15k | 2.3k |
| 15 | Jun 7, '23 | The perfect ad doesn’t exist… | 17.7× | 4.2M | 37k | 4k | 635 |
| 16 | Nov 16, '23 | Typical Gen Z Bank Statement: $2,500 rent $13 lunch $400 student loan payment $26 Uber $1,000 medical bill $8 coffee $600 car payment The issue is obvious. Had they made their coff | 17.4× | 4.1M | 25k | 1.5k | 565 |
| 17 | Aug 28, '23 | An iced coffee costs about $5 a day. That’s roughly $35 per week or $140 per month. Now you’re spending $1,680 per year. Over the course of 10 years that’s $16,680, which is not en | 17× | 4M | 27k | 3.1k | 489 |
| 18 | Dec 20, '23 | Laundry: Washing = 45 minutes Drying = 60 minutes Folding = 7 to 10 business days | 17× | 4M | 39k | 3.1k | 719 |
| 19 | Jun 4, '23 | After 35, men get to choose between two hobbies. Smoking meat and WW2 history. That’s it. | 16.3× | 3.8M | 18k | 879 | 251 |
| 20 | Nov 17, '23 | “The market will regulate itself.” The market: | 15.4× | 3.6M | 31k | 3.7k | 1.4k |
| 21 | Jul 9, '24 | If you're bad at spending money, just remember that NYC paid McKinsey $4 million for a study on whether trash bags should go in trash cans. | 15.3× | 3.6M | 48k | 4.3k | 1.2k |
| 22 | Jun 12, '22 | Mood | 15× | 0 | 167k | 38k | 1.2k |
| 23 | Sep 18, '23 | bad news = we can’t find an $80 million stealth fighter jet good news = our stealth technology is very good | 14.5× | 3.4M | 33k | 2.7k | 243 |
| 24 | Jul 16, '23 | “I’m going to save money by making breakfast at home instead of spending $12 on eating out.” *Spends $40.59 buying stuff to make breakfast at home.* | 13.9× | 3.3M | 18k | 1.5k | 237 |
| 25 | May 2, '24 | “Babe, cancel our weekend plans. We’re going to the $350,000 Pi Kappa Phi rager!” | 13.5× | 3.2M | 30k | 1.3k | 847 |
| 26 | May 11, '25 | Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast. | 12.5× | 2.9M | 77k | 2.5k | 1.3k |
| 27 | Jul 27, '25 | No one: Absolutely no one: Not a single soul on this Earth: Mercedes-Benz: We are integrating Microsoft Teams into our vehicles. | 12.4× | 2.9M | 59k | 2.4k | 1.3k |
| 28 | May 26, '24 | The final level of intelligence is pretending you don’t know anything just to make your life easier. | 12.3× | 2.9M | 34k | 7.2k | 3.2k |
| 29 | Apr 22, '24 | “Mark Zuckerberg was a dropout.” Yeah, he dropped out of Harvard not 10th grade social studies. | 12.2× | 2.9M | 42k | 3.1k | 606 |
| 30 | May 5, '24 | The older I get the more I realize I love being at home doing nothing. | 11.9× | 2.8M | 30k | 5.4k | 888 |
| 31 | Apr 18, '24 | It’s funny how drinking 8 glasses of water in a day seems impossible, but downing 8 beers in a few hours with the boys couldn’t be easier. | 11.9× | 2.8M | 21k | 1.3k | 426 |
| 32 | Apr 8, '24 | Optometrists right now… | 11.7× | 2.7M | 54k | 3.7k | 584 |
| 33 | Aug 16, '25 | Nutritionist: “Your diet is bad.” Dentist: “Your brushing is wrong.” Friends: “Your life is a mess.” Liquor store guy: “Excellent choice.” | 11.6× | 2.7M | 46k | 1.9k | 1.2k |
| 34 | Feb 24, '24 | This is all a man needs to be happy… | 11.5× | 2.7M | 33k | 3.1k | 1.3k |
| 35 | Jan 13, '23 | Doctor: You have no magnesium. Me: 0mg | 11× | 2.6M | 28k | 2.5k | 282 |
| 36 | Aug 5, '24 | According to the VIX, the worst market events of our lives were the 2008 financial crisis, COVID, and the Bank of Japan raising interest rates by a quarter percentage point. | 10.4× | 2.4M | 22k | 1.7k | 1.5k |
| 37 | Jun 18, '24 | Nvidia is up 203% over the past year. They make futuristic computer chips. Abercrombie & Fitch is up 406% over the past year. They make cargo pants. | 10.3× | 2.4M | 21k | 1.2k | 816 |
| 38 | Apr 30, '24 | Can’t wait to tell my wife I lost the house playing Mortal Kombat. | 10.2× | 2.4M | 30k | 2.5k | 573 |
| 39 | Mar 10, '25 | My portfolio’s pronouns are was/were. | 9.7× | 2.3M | 36k | 3.1k | 1.1k |
| 40 | Apr 17, '24 | Me in 1984 wasting time resting instead of buying Apple stock at $0.09. | 9.4× | 2.2M | 49k | 3.4k | 560 |
| 41 | Jul 20, '25 | It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8pm. | 9.3× | 2.2M | 54k | 4.4k | 995 |
| 42 | Mar 4, '24 | I paid $120,000 for an MBA only to watch magic internet money outperform the market. | 9.1× | 2.1M | 19k | 1.3k | 588 |
| 43 | Mar 30, '24 | One day, each of us burned a CD for the last time but we didn’t know it was the last time. | 9.1× | 2.1M | 27k | 4.4k | 499 |
| 44 | May 8, '24 | There was this kid who picked on me everyday in high school. Well, I just reported him as a Boeing whistleblower. Revenge is a dish best served cold. | 8.9× | 2.1M | 22k | 1k | 429 |
| 45 | Jul 30, '23 | My wife: Did you do that thing I asked? Me: | 8.0× | 1.9M | 18k | 988 | 176 |
| 46 | Oct 6, '24 | Me in my late thirties after drinking 2 craft beers… | 7.6× | 1.8M | 14k | 643 | 575 |
| 47 | Feb 22, '24 | Uber has no cars. Airbnb has no hotels. AT&T has no service. This is the new economy. | 7.2× | 1.7M | 20k | 1.7k | 682 |
| 48 | Aug 1, '23 | Grocery stores hate this one thing… | 7.0× | 1.6M | 14k | 668 | 198 |
| 49 | Sep 12, '23 | Me unboxing the new iPhone 15… | 6.9× | 1.6M | 17k | 1.5k | 198 |
| 50 | Nov 4, '25 | On days like today, I’m glad I’m diversified across stocks, gold and bitcoin because it allows me to lose money in three totally different ways. | 6.6× | 1.6M | 50k | 3.3k | 1.2k |
| 51 | Feb 7, '23 | Free career advice… | 6.2× | 1.5M | 19k | 1.9k | 825 |
| 52 | Apr 18, '23 | PDF is now the fastest growing religion in the world! | 6.2× | 1.5M | 20k | 1.8k | 161 |
| 53 | Jul 17, '25 | How to stay married: 1. Don’t get caught cheating on your spouse via the Jumbotron at a Coldplay concert. | 6.2× | 1.4M | 43k | 2k | 416 |
| 54 | Nov 11, '24 | I paid $120,000 for an MBA only to watch magical internet money outperform the stock market. | 6.0× | 1.4M | 27k | 1.8k | 786 |
| 55 | Mar 11, '25 | The haters said a trade war would tank the market. They were correct. Honesty, great call by the haters. | 5.9× | 1.4M | 50k | 3.3k | 809 |
| 56 | Apr 9, '24 | If you played this as a kid, your childhood was awesome. | 5.5× | 1.3M | 18k | 1k | 128 |
| 57 | Nov 27, '22 | Call me crazy, but I feel like what’s going on in China is a really big deal. | 5.0× | 0 | 69k | 5.2k | 335 |
| 58 | Feb 10, '23 | She doesn’t care my portfolio is down 78%. | 5.0× | 1.2M | 14k | 345 | 72 |
| 59 | Nov 11, '24 | If you invested $10,000 in bitcoin 1 second ago, you’d have $12,362,859.31 right now. | 4.8× | 1.1M | 15k | 468 | 277 |
| 60 | May 13, '24 | I’m going to tell my kids this was Warren Buffett. | 4.7× | 1.1M | 15k | 823 | 194 |
| 61 | Jun 5, '25 | We can solve our nation’s debt crisis by having Donald Trump and Elon Musk fight live on Pay-Per-View. | 4.6× | 1.1M | 37k | 2.7k | 528 |
| 62 | Jun 28, '22 | The Fed controlling inflation… | 4.6× | 0 | 51k | 9.5k | 1.6k |
| 63 | Apr 14, '22 | Elon Musk: I don’t want your board seat. Also Elon Musk: I want all your board seats. | 4.5× | 0 | 61k | 5.8k | 142 |
| 64 | Nov 1, '19 | FIXED: Google buys your health data for $2.1 billion. | 4.3× | 0 | 45k | 13k | 255 |
| 65 | May 1, '22 | Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person so maybe calm down. | 4.1× | 0 | 49k | 8k | 1.1k |
| 66 | Sep 9, '24 | Apple just keeps making the same products over and over again thinking their customers will keep buying them. -Sent from my new iPhone 16 Pro Max | 4.1× | 962k | 19k | 1.4k | 267 |
| 67 | May 11, '24 | I found one of my old notebooks from college... | 3.7× | 861k | 16k | 783 | 464 |
| 68 | Nov 7, '22 | Meta employees to be offered real estate in the Metaverse as part of severance package. | 3.3× | 0 | 44k | 2.4k | 473 |
| 69 | Sep 18, '24 | Can’t wait to refinance my car loan from 19.99% to 19.74%. | 3.0× | 705k | 14k | 583 | 84 |
| 70 | Jul 8, '25 | Just to be clear. Democrats covering up Biden's mental decline and Republicans covering up the Epstein list are both bad for America. | 2.9× | 669k | 16k | 1.2k | 112 |
| 71 | Nov 5, '25 | How to win an election: 1. Promise free stuff | 2.7× | 622k | 20k | 1.1k | 206 |
| 72 | Nov 24, '22 | I’m thankful I locked in a 30-year mortgage at 2.99% in 2021. | 2.5× | 0 | 37k | 1k | 235 |
| 73 | Apr 10, '25 | So the Art of the Deal is letting every country on earth know that if they raise interest rates by dumping US Treasuries, we will fold. | 2.3× | 550k | 16k | 1.7k | 553 |
| 74 | Apr 6, '22 | Elon Musk is the greatest inventor of our time. PayPal, SpaceX, Tesla and Twitter Edit Button. The man’s a genius. | 2.3× | 0 | 32k | 2.2k | 118 |
| 75 | Feb 13, '22 | Bill Gates: Divorced Jeff Bezos: Divorced Elon Musk: Divorced 3x The secret to becoming a billionaire is getting divorced. | 2.3× | 0 | 29k | 2.5k | 381 |
| 76 | Jul 5, '22 | Me organizing my finances… | 2.1× | 0 | 27k | 3.9k | 202 |
| 77 | Jul 29, '20 | If you invested $10,000 in Kodak one minute ago, you'd have $437,122,500 right now. | 2.1× | 0 | 25k | 3.3k | 325 |
| 78 | Apr 25, '22 | Sex is cool, but have you ever paid $44 billion for an edit button? | 2.1× | 0 | 29k | 2.5k | 140 |
| 79 | Dec 20, '21 | Elon Musk and I will pay a combined $11 billion in taxes this year. | 2.1× | 0 | 30k | 1.6k | 102 |
| 80 | Jul 28, '22 | A recession, but it identifies as a bull market. | 2.1× | 0 | 27k | 3.2k | 175 |
| 81 | Nov 5, '22 | There’s a 1 in 5 chance of dying from heart disease. People: “Won’t happen to me!” There’s a 1 in 292,000,000 chance of winning the Powerball. People: “You never know!” | 1.8× | 0 | 23k | 3.1k | 311 |
| 82 | Oct 27, '21 | 16 years of education and $120,000 for a fancy MBA only to watch another dog themed crypto outperform every asset on earth. | 1.7× | 0 | 21k | 2.6k | 200 |
| 83 | May 26, '21 | I paid $120,000 for a MBA only to watch meme stonks outperform the market. | 1.6× | 0 | 22k | 1.9k | 130 |
| 84 | Oct 6, '22 | How is Elon Musk able to afford his $44 billion acquisition of Twitter? Simple. He made his coffee at home. | 1.6× | 0 | 23k | 1.4k | 115 |
| 85 | Nov 21, '22 | I never thought I’d be making $74,000/month by the age of 38. Turns out I was right. | 1.6× | 0 | 24k | 1.1k | 277 |
| 86 | May 11, '21 | When I was young, I was a terrible investor. But after decades of hard work, I am no longer young. | 1.6× | 0 | 22k | 2.1k | 196 |
| 87 | Feb 19, '21 | If you invested $10,000 in bitcoin 1 second ago, you’d have $1,732,128,726.59 right now. | 1.5× | 0 | 20k | 1.5k | 138 |
| 88 | Jul 6, '20 | Instead of signing Patrick Mahomes, the Chiefs could have given each American $1 million. | 1.5× | 0 | 20k | 1.2k | 66 |
| 89 | Nov 3, '21 | By the age of 30 you should have: 1. A digital wallet 2. Some crypto 3. Back pain 4. 1 NFT | 1.4× | 0 | 16k | 2.2k | 243 |
| 90 | Jul 13, '22 | Investors handling 9.1% inflation… | 1.4× | 0 | 17k | 2.4k | 433 |
| 91 | Oct 7, '21 | If you buy a $3 cup of coffee on your commute to work 5 days a week, you’d spend $90/mo. That’s $1,080/year. If you invested $90/mo at a 6% rate of return for 5 years, you’d miss o | 1.4× | 0 | 17k | 1.8k | 274 |
| 92 | Dec 26, '20 | If you invested $10,000 in bitcoin 3 seconds ago, you’d have $2,372,859.51 right now. | 1.4× | 0 | 19k | 1.2k | 206 |
| 93 | Apr 25, '22 | Twitter: We will not sell to Elon Musk. Also Twitter: We will sell to Elon Musk. | 1.3× | 0 | 18k | 1.2k | 32 |
| 94 | Jun 8, '21 | I just hacked the US Dollar by taking $20 from my wife’s wallet. | 1.2× | 0 | 17k | 1.5k | 25 |
| 95 | Sep 1, '22 | I like how Nancy Pelosi dumped her shares of Nvidia before the U.S. government restricted chip sales to China. | 1.2× | 0 | 16k | 1.7k | 103 |
| 96 | Jun 22, '22 | Bring back $4 lunch, $50,000 homes and $0.99 gas. | 1.1× | 0 | 14k | 1.1k | 61 |
| 97 | Mar 31, '21 | Me at 15: I will change the world. Me at 25: I will make a small difference. Me at 35: I will charge 1% to manage your money. | 1.1× | 0 | 15k | 878 | 200 |
| 98 | Jan 5 | 2026 Pinned Tweet: I run a nationally recognized wealth management firm for high-achieving millennials, next generation investors, entrepreneurs, and their families. I also write a | 1.0× | 242k | 325 | 31 | 42 |
| 99 | Feb 2, '22 | BREAKING: Meta downgraded back to Facebook. | 1.0× | 0 | 15k | 828 | 43 |
| 100 | Jun 11, '22 | If you invested $10,000 in Ethereum in November of last year, you would have about $3,100 today. | 1.0× | 0 | 13k | 1.2k | 100 |
| 101 | Nov 2, '22 | I’d pay $9 for this. | 0.9× | 0 | 14k | 580 | 34 |
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