| 1 | Jul 21, '21 | space is the new austin | 13.5× | 0 | 7.8k | 816 | 17 |
| 2 | Feb 9, '19 | I wish my husband knew me the way instagram ads do. | 11.2× | 0 | 6.9k | 501 | 16 |
| 3 | Mar 26, '19 | I guess we wait until he tries to steal some empire paraphernalia from a Vegas hotel room and then we get him. | 5.3× | 0 | 3.1k | 266 | 6 |
| 4 | Mar 2, '22 | that free britney thing might’ve been a mistake | 5.0× | 0 | 1.7k | 80 | 31 |
| 5 | Jul 19, '21 | um just won an emmy yo but don’t treat me any different. maybe a little nicer. | 4.7× | 0 | 2.9k | 41 | 5 |
| 6 | Aug 6, '21 | the worse thing to come out of the pandemic is the QR code menus | 3.7× | 0 | 2.2k | 153 | 3 |
| 7 | Nov 17, '20 | so bored I’m thinking about having sex with my husband | 3.7× | 0 | 2.2k | 48 | 7 |
| 8 | Jan 18, '19 | twitter should have an eye roll option | 3.5× | 0 | 2k | 227 | 1 |
| 9 | Aug 6, '18 | Remember when you were like, “I’m the only funny woman”? Where is that on the timeline? | 3.3× | 0 | 2k | 120 | 3 |
| 10 | Nov 28, '19 | I fucked both dummies in this photo. | 3.3× | 0 | 2.1k | 64 | 3 |
| 11 | Jun 12, '19 | The worst conspiracy theory is that you’re not hungry just thirsty | 3.3× | 0 | 1.8k | 283 | 4 |
| 12 | Jan 2, '20 | Poor Kevin Hart was set up by a friend (a friend!-someone he really trusted!) when he was cheating on his pregnant wife. | 3.3× | 0 | 2k | 91 | 7 |
| 13 | Dec 4, '20 | I was talking to my husband and his phone rang and he said I have to take this and he answered a call that said spam risk | 3.3× | 0 | 2.1k | 57 | 5 |
| 14 | Dec 30, '20 | my husband thinks you can’t get into heaven unless you finish every tv series that you start | 3.1× | 0 | 1.9k | 44 | 4 |
| 15 | Apr 9, '18 | My standup has no deeper message and if I find out I’m empowering anyone or anything I’ll quit. | 3.0× | 0 | 1.7k | 183 | 2 |
| 16 | Jul 23, '18 | looking for a safe space to do offensive comedy. | 2.9× | 0 | 1.5k | 202 | 0 |
| 17 | Dec 7, '18 | Bit of me on the show tonight. @ComedyCentral #ThisWeekAtTheComedyCellar | 2.8× | 0 | 1.6k | 156 | 15 |
| 18 | Nov 29, '20 | can as many ppl as possible favorite this I’m trying to check something trust me this is really important retweet | 2.8× | 0 | 1.7k | 97 | 3 |
| 19 | Apr 2, '19 | On this day when I was 11 my dog got hit by a car and died. when my dad told my sisters and I we giggled and laughed so hard thinking he was playing an April Fools joke on us that | 2.8× | 0 | 1.7k | 74 | 3 |
| 20 | Apr 26, '18 | I asked my 10 yr daughter to clean her room and I can hear her watching a “how to sweep” tutorial. | 2.6× | 0 | 1.6k | 123 | 1 |
| 21 | Oct 9, '20 | 🎶it’s like when an aborted fetus saves your life🎶 isn’t it ironic? | 2.6× | 0 | 1.5k | 179 | 8 |
| 22 | Jan 20, '21 | this is so bitter sweet bc I just became a trump supporter 2 days ago | 2.6× | 0 | 1.7k | 54 | 2 |
| 23 | Sep 18, '21 | it’s my wedding anniversary today. we’ve been married 16 glorious years and we’ve never had one fight. | 2.5× | 0 | 1.4k | 24 | 2 |
| 24 | Dec 11, '20 | Finally something positive about Ellen DeGeneres | 2.4× | 0 | 1.5k | 44 | 2 |
| 25 | Dec 14, '20 | I’m an atheist who celebrates Christmas. but just the reckless commercialism and empty traditions. | 2.3× | 0 | 1.4k | 99 | 4 |
| 26 | Jul 20, '19 | I can’t believe @dinahashem_ made a Venmo joke about a guy who beat his pregnant gf. #cancelled | 2.3× | 0 | 1.4k | 116 | 9 |
| 27 | Dec 29, '18 | Working on highly original horror movie where if people smell they get killed by aliens. 😷 | 2.3× | 0 | 1.3k | 86 | 1 |
| 28 | Mar 26, '21 | am I going to be the one to make a coffee table book of famous people’s apologies? | 2.2× | 0 | 1.3k | 59 | 1 |
| 29 | Oct 20, '19 | Just ate a bag of dicks at a seniors center. | 2.2× | 0 | 1.2k | 31 | 1 |
| 30 | Jan 7, '20 | My kid made a curse jar 2 days ago. I already owe 9000 fucking dollars. | 2.2× | 0 | 1.3k | 86 | 0 |
| 31 | Jan 28, '21 | who wants to mansplain GameStop to me | 2.1× | 0 | 1k | 38 | 9 |
| 32 | Jun 24, '19 | I did the right thing, right? | 2.0× | 0 | 1.3k | 36 | 0 |
| 33 | Apr 9, '20 | If this was a horror movie -it’s right about now we’d find out it’s IN the soap. | 2.0× | 0 | 1.1k | 151 | 3 |
| 34 | Apr 16, '21 | fuck this cesspool i’m leaving twitter i’m back miss it so much here | 2.0× | 0 | 1.3k | 51 | 1 |
| 35 | Mar 28, '22 | reality has jumped the shark | 2.0× | 0 | 1.2k | 92 | 3 |
| 36 | Mar 16, '21 | It’s easy to cancel a celebrity but hard to cancel a gym | 1.9× | 0 | 1.2k | 40 | 1 |
| 37 | Feb 22, '21 | My husband misgenders our cat 100% of the time. | 1.9× | 0 | 1.2k | 28 | 1 |
| 38 | Sep 17, '18 | Today is @RichVos and my 13th wedding anniversary and I can honestly say it’s been a wonderful 9 1/2 years. | 1.9× | 0 | 1.1k | 58 | 2 |
| 39 | Aug 18, '16 | Oh yay! Dr. Drew found a new way to feed his crippling addiction to attention. | 1.9× | 0 | 874 | 178 | 0 |
| 40 | Sep 24, '21 | If Martin Short and Steve Martin got married his name would be Steve Short. | 1.8× | 0 | 1.1k | 46 | 2 |
| 41 | Sep 17, '20 | I high fived @RichVos this morning bc we’ve been married 15 years and no one thought we could do it. | 1.8× | 0 | 1.1k | 19 | 0 |
| 42 | Feb 2, '21 | Do. Not. Sell. | 1.8× | 0 | 1.1k | 61 | 0 |
| 43 | Aug 21, '19 | Most of marriage is one person telling the other person to cool it on the chewing. | 1.8× | 0 | 984 | 86 | 3 |
| 44 | Nov 11, '19 | I simply must have it! | 1.8× | 0 | 1k | 71 | 4 |
| 45 | Sep 19, '21 | gonna leave my suicide note behind a paywall | 1.7× | 0 | 1k | 68 | 7 |
| 46 | Oct 26, '21 | i hate mondays or whatever day this is | 1.7× | 0 | 1k | 91 | 5 |
| 47 | Apr 26, '21 | the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me | 1.7× | 0 | 1.1k | 28 | 1 |
| 48 | Mar 10, '19 | My thoughts and prayers are with the Jaguar! I hope the cat is okay! | 1.7× | 0 | 885 | 90 | 2 |
| 49 | Sep 14, '21 | that Canadian legend, Norm MacDonald, one of my favorite comedians of all time has transitioned out of here RIP | 1.7× | 0 | 1.1k | 31 | 1 |
| 50 | Jan 1, '21 | Finally gained 15lbs! Don’t give up. If I can do it, anyone can. | 1.7× | 0 | 1.1k | 31 | 1 |
| 51 | Nov 18, '17 | Got a handsy hug from an executive who I assume just came out of a coma. | 1.6× | 0 | 986 | 57 | 0 |
| 52 | Jun 9, '20 | Guys it was Johnny Knoxville | 1.6× | 0 | 998 | 57 | 1 |
| 53 | Feb 18, '22 | this some bullshit | 1.6× | 0 | 835 | 39 | 1 |
| 54 | Apr 6, '19 | Sucks when ppl do stuff to you without your knowledge, permission or consent. | 1.6× | 0 | 930 | 79 | 0 |
| 55 | May 30, '21 | most mornings my husband brings me coffee in bed which makes all his other dumb shit worth it | 1.5× | 0 | 997 | 20 | 4 |
| 56 | Mar 16, '19 | Me talking about my marriage. | 1.5× | 0 | 842 | 96 | 19 |
| 57 | Jun 20, '19 | Um just hosted an event w @BetteMidler and it was so great!!! I LOVE HER! | 1.4× | 0 | 854 | 53 | 0 |
| 58 | Aug 23, '18 | Every billionaire should have to rebuild a bridge or tunnel. There. I solved something. | 1.4× | 0 | 806 | 73 | 1 |
| 59 | Jun 30, '18 | About 6 years ago, I was taking a beating at the @ComedyCellarUSA table and @iamcolinquinn said, "the other night I was bombing so hard for a second I thought I was married to Rich | 1.4× | 0 | 902 | 45 | 0 |
| 60 | Jan 23, '20 | Mr. peanut didn’t kill himself. | 1.4× | 0 | 734 | 101 | 1 |
| 61 | Jul 7, '18 | Warning: all my friends who love themselves are single | 1.4× | 0 | 773 | 91 | 0 |
| 62 | Oct 17, '20 | don’t hug me. This ain’t 2019, bitch | 1.4× | 0 | 767 | 84 | 3 |
| 63 | Sep 30, '20 | still on the fence | 1.4× | 0 | 813 | 52 | 0 |
| 64 | Nov 20, '20 | alien costume dept is terrible at hair and chins | 1.4× | 0 | 809 | 51 | 4 |
| 65 | May 13, '21 | now that i can’t bully people it’s just not as fun - ellen | 1.4× | 0 | 888 | 35 | 1 |
| 66 | Oct 17, '20 | ok just asking | 1.3× | 0 | 848 | 39 | 1 |
| 67 | Mar 26, '20 | RIch bought a tiger. | 1.3× | 0 | 767 | 18 | 0 |
| 68 | Jun 14, '18 | Um i believe that’s called the McFarlane | 1.3× | 0 | 819 | 42 | 0 |
| 69 | Sep 12, '20 | How was cuties, @realjeffreyross ? | 1.3× | 0 | 762 | 32 | 0 |
| 70 | Jan 9, '21 | if he’s smart he’ll start an onlyfans | 1.3× | 0 | 763 | 67 | 0 |
| 71 | Jul 23, '21 | when you complain about a bad picture of yourself and ppl go “what? it looks like you.” 😠 | 1.3× | 0 | 820 | 35 | 1 |
| 72 | Mar 6, '19 | I’m so happy for her! No one deserves this more. | 1.3× | 0 | 678 | 19 | 1 |
| 73 | May 13, '18 | Rich just called @RickandMorty Mork and Mindy. | 1.3× | 0 | 746 | 39 | 0 |
| 74 | Feb 8, '18 | Things to do today: fold laundry, walk the dog, get groceries, perform on @FallonTonight. | 1.3× | 0 | 669 | 51 | 0 |
| 75 | Jul 19, '18 | OH MY GOD in China they still have an annual DOG MEAT FESTIVAL! and I have two extra tickets if anybody wants to go. I bought them before I became a vegan. | 1.3× | 0 | 680 | 70 | 0 |
| 76 | Sep 19, '20 | You can tell jokes AND make a point. I think that’s one of things comedy was invented for. You don’t have to take comedy off the table completely. Anyway talk later. I’m gong to ge | 1.3× | 0 | 740 | 48 | 1 |
| 77 | Jan 1, '22 | betty white owes me money | 1.2× | 0 | 790 | 28 | 1 |
| 78 | Aug 16, '21 | a garden is so much work but at least i know if the world shut down i’d be able to feed my family sides for a week and a half | 1.2× | 0 | 776 | 41 | 0 |
| 79 | Feb 23, '19 | I really loved you, Brody. You always made me so happy when you were around. 💕devastating. | 1.2× | 0 | 745 | 41 | 1 |
| 80 | May 20, '17 | pinned tweets are dumb af | 1.2× | 0 | 664 | 41 | 0 |
| 81 | Mar 17, '20 | Rich shot a guy who came into our property today with his bow and arrow. | 1.1× | 0 | 635 | 19 | 0 |
| 82 | Feb 22, '21 | From my tonight show! | 1.1× | 0 | 625 | 49 | 10 |
| 83 | Dec 6, '20 | if you don’t have curtains you’re really rich or really poor | 1.1× | 0 | 648 | 26 | 0 |
| 84 | Jan 6, '21 | this end of the world shit better hurry up and arrive | 1.1× | 0 | 627 | 53 | 1 |
| 85 | Jul 27, '20 | I got married so someone can call my phone when I can’t find it. | 1.1× | 0 | 670 | 34 | 2 |
| 86 | Nov 3, '21 | the problem w being funny is ppl laugh when you’re being serious | 1.1× | 0 | 632 | 27 | 3 |
| 87 | Sep 16, '19 | Ok no more offensive jokes. Starting now. | 1.1× | 0 | 575 | 52 | 0 |
| 88 | Oct 7, '22 | RIP Judy Tenuta. She was ahead of her time. 💔 | 1.0× | 0 | 682 | 22 | 1 |
| 89 | Dec 20, '21 | i’ll wear a mask but i’m done washing my hands | 1.0× | 0 | 649 | 30 | 0 |
| 90 | Nov 13, '17 | I'm torn. I hate pedophiles but think destroying Keurig coffee makers is cool. | 1.0× | 0 | 619 | 48 | 0 |
| 91 | Aug 16, '20 | We are still doing the podcast @joerogan please save me | 1.0× | 0 | 663 | 23 | 5 |
| 92 | Mar 13, '20 | the worst has happened. daughters school is closed for 2-4 weeks. | 1.0× | 0 | 637 | 11 | 1 |
| 93 | Jan 24, '17 | That tweet about Barron Trump really shocked me. I had no idea SNL had female writers. | 1.0× | 0 | 512 | 80 | 0 |
| 94 | Sep 17, '19 | Happy anniversary @RichVos. You once told me that before we met you prayed you’d meet someone who didn’t bug you. Smart! I wish I’d done that. ❤️💕❤️💕❤️ | 1.0× | 0 | 656 | 22 | 0 |
| 95 | Sep 27, '18 | I guess we need @hannibalburess to do a set about Kavanaugh. | 1.0× | 0 | 554 | 70 | 0 |
| 96 | Nov 4, '20 | voting for Trump is like marrying your rapist. | 1.0× | 0 | 518 | 42 | 1 |
| 97 | Aug 18, '21 | ppl who want to add one more thing at the end of a zoom call need immediate psyche evals | 0.9× | 0 | 569 | 30 | 3 |
| 98 | Sep 12, '21 | Bill Maher uses sets up from the previous week and punchlines from 1982. | 0.9× | 0 | 538 | 23 | 0 |
| 99 | Mar 24, '19 | Every comedian should direct their own special. What are we doing? Why are we giving that away? | 0.9× | 0 | 555 | 24 | 0 |
| 100 | Jan 3, '20 | This blew up. | 0.6× | 0 | 302 | 11 | 4 |
@karpathy
@levelsio
@paulg
@naval
@marclou
@illyism