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KevinSmith

@ThatKevinSmith2.7M followers

It begins with me covered in sperm, trapped in my old man's balls. Then, suddenly... ESCAPE!

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1Feb 26, '18After the first show this evening, I had a massive heart attack. The Doctor who saved my life told me I had 100% blockage of my LAD artery (aka “the Widow-Maker”). If I hadn’t canc21.8×0138k19k12
2Apr 26, '23Having been a creature of the Internet for 28 years now, I fully expect to get trolled for this. But if it can help some folks, it’ll be worth it. So here goes… A few months back I18.5×3.5M15k1.7k833
3Aug 26, '186 months ago yesterday, I had a heart attack. The Doctor told me to lose 50 pounds, but I have a problem doing what I’m told. So I lost 51 pounds instead. Read about it here:15×0121k10k154
4Nov 12, '23DOGMA debuted 24 years ago today! I dream of getting it back one day. I’d pray for that but I think the Lord would have a helluva time granting this particular wish…7.3×1.4M12k954143
5Mar 8, '19Just saw @captainmarvel. I am a blubbering mess. After a lifetime spent referencing the movies, the movies just referenced me! Many thanks to @MarvelStudios and to my friend @TheRe6.3×050k5k115
6Nov 12, '18Farewell, my friend. You’re not only responsible for the boy I was, but also the man I am today. I will miss you all my days. Read it all here:4.7×036k5.5k50
7Oct 27, '20One Week from Today: ASSEMBLE! Voting is the ENDGAME! (Help me give credit to whoever made this! I got it from a follower who also doesn’t know. Anybody have any idea where this Ma4.6×024k6.9k533
8Aug 2, '18Today I turn 48 yrs old. I almost didn’t make it to this birthday. So in the words of Dante Hicks “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”4.6×036k3.1k15
9Feb 28, '18Home again, home again, jiggety-jig! Home is where the heart is and the heart is feeling good! It’s actually getting more blood flow and oxygen than it has in a long time. So I am 4.4×036k2.5k4
10Apr 1, '25Prepare Thyself for the Second Coming! DOGMA returns to theaters everywhere on June 5th! But first, I’m touring it across America, starting 4/20, Easter Sunday! Get tickets at4.2×791k12k1.6k451
11Aug 4, '19Please create something today. Create something positive. Create on behalf of all the people killed in the last 24 hours, robbed of their chance to ever create again. Create becaus3.9×025k6.7k98
12Feb 25, '202 years ago from today, I almost died of a massive heart attack. 1 year ago today, we started shooting #JayAndSilentBobReboot. Tomorrow, we end the 65 city Reboot Roadshow Tour. Th3.3×030k1.2k30
13Jul 29, '18Just finished a huge writing gig that I haven’t talked about publicly yet. It’s the most massive IP I’ve ever been allowed to play with and if the powers that be decide to move for3.2×027k1.2k15
14Aug 1, '23I *know* me: I’d be posting about my struggles on the daily, milking it until my last breath, desperate for attention and relevancy. But not Paul Reubens. If I’m not at least tryin3.2×607k8.9k39346
15Nov 12, '22Just saw @theblackpanther. Jesus, that mid-credit scene... Worth the price of admission alone.3.1×023k1.3k344
16Nov 1, '23People being Bob on Halloween makes me feel like I did alright in this life. Many thanks, Kids!3.0×567k11k34320
17Apr 26, '20One of the best moments I ever saw across a then 48 years of watching (and even making) movies. Love that Tony snapped AT Thanos. But Strange holding up one finger: I take it to me3.0×023k2.4k193
18Mar 30, '18Down 26 pounds today! Started March 8th and now 4 weeks later, I’ve lost a small child worth of weight! Doc told me to lose 50 pounds and I’m now over halfway to that goal! Ironica2.9×026k1k9
19Feb 19, '18How does a person ignore their sense of self preservation to do something as astonishing as this? Shielding others from harm with your one and only life is the very definition of h2.6×019k3.7k0
20Apr 1, '25Heavenly news in 10 minutes…2.4×453k9.7k328171
21Dec 4, '19Fare thee well, Louis Vuitton Schwalbach Smith! You came into our lives on January 1st, 2004, as the sweetest and most curious little scientist on four legs. And while you may have2.4×021k52615
22Jul 29, '2425 years ago, I protested my own movie…2.3×427k8.2k869293
23Dec 27, '16Goodnight, Sweet Princess. Thank you for so many happy memories, your heroics, your art and your friendship...2.3×014k4.1k0
24Oct 1, '19I assure you, we’re open! CLERKS III is finally happening! Read all about it here:2.3×016k2.4k27
25Nov 13, '2425 years?!? Jesus Christ…2.1×403k11k796131
26Oct 25, '18My Mom is back in the hospital. I feel so useless. If I’d studied medicine maybe I could’ve been able to treat her chronic pain. But oh no - like a self-centered dick, I had to bec2.1×018k8134
27Apr 24, '18I am overwhelmed. The movie is epic beyond compare. LOVED it. My legs are still shaking. It’s a gigantic @Marvel masterpiece. So much to say but I’ll stay Silent Bob til Monday so 2.1×014k3k18
28Dec 19, '24Good boy, Krypto! Great boy, @JamesGunn!2.1×385k13k652113
29Dec 2, '19This is Louis, our third dog. Sadly, after 15 years in the Smith/Schwalbach family, blind-ish, deaf and crippled Poo-Poo will be leaving us Wednesday. This is the only downside to 2.0×018k41013
30Sep 7, '17Me to my Mom in Florida: Fly to Jersey now! Mom: I'm staying. God will protect me. Me: You think God's gonna spare the Mom of the DOGMA guy?2.0×015k2.5k0
31Dec 18, '20Way too early to bawl my eyes out but holy Sith, that @themandalorian season finale was like watching my life flash before my eyes! @Jon_Favreau has the biggest balls in the busine2.0×016k1k57
32Jan 21, '21Bernie, bro. (Thank you to whoever thought of including me and @JayMewes, as this is the closest we’ve ever gotten to being at an Inauguration. And thank you to all the people who 2.0×015k1.9k61
33Aug 20, '19NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Just stop it! Please, @SonyPictures - give @Disney what they want and many millions of us will keep giving you our money! Hey, @marcbernardin! Guess wha2.0×013k2.5k34
34Aug 28, '18Same guy, I swear. Pic on the left was taken in 2008 at age 38 when I weighed 330. Pic on the right was taken today, age 48, weighing 205. I look younger now that I’m older. Read a2.0×016k1.2k18
35Dec 14, '18Left my Mom’s hospital bedside at 2:30am. She had a rough night. Got on a plane to Utah at 7. Landed to learn that Mom was emergency helicoptered to another hospital where they dra1.9×015k4146
36Nov 7, '20I was writing in my office when I suddenly heard screams. Went outside to see people in the street in my neighborhood screeching their heads off in celebration. And that is how I l1.9×016k1.1k33
37Aug 2, '19I was born in Jersey 49 years ago today. Dad worked at the PostOffice and Mom called me Tiger (still does). As a kid, I was never into sports, politics or reality: I fell in love w1.9×015k83529
38Oct 9, '17He financed the first 14 years of my career - and now I know while I was profiting, others were in terrible pain. It makes me feel ashamed.1.8×013k2.3k1
39Jan 12, '21What a cop out...1.8×015k98845
40Sep 14, '20Dave Grohl goes above and beyond to make 2020 a little more tolerable. Man, this is just heartwarming as fuck! There goes my hero indeed. I wanna be Dave when I grow up.1.8×014k1.6k176
41Oct 31, '20He was my Dad’s James Bond, so Dad supported Mr. Connery’s career his entire life, always taking me to see any movie his fave actor was in. I have sweet memories of watching Dad wa1.8×016k92226
42Feb 19, '20Religions have been founded on the Bible, resulting in millions of people deriving inspiration and moral strength from amazing stories about fantastic feats of faith. Hundreds of y1.8×011k1.3k64
43Nov 11, '22I lost a hero today. We all did. The one true Batman - the voice I’ll always hear in my head whenever I read or write a Batman comic book - has passed. I’ll miss you forever, @Real1.7×014k1.7k184
44May 3, '22Even these two idiots know...1.7×013k2.3k23
45Aug 29, '20I met Chadwick the day Stan put his hand and footprints into the Chinese Theater Forecourt. He was nice and a little nervous, but very regal - like T’challa. And so talented. This 1.7×015k1k23
46Apr 10, '18This is heartbreaking. We love you, @TheRealStanLee. You are always welcome to come live with me - or please let us fans buy you a new place to live. We miss you, sir.1.7×011k2.7k10
47Aug 5, '18Wide World of Jorts. Years ago, a paparazzo snapped the infamous shot on the left of me wearing my giant jorts at my all-time heaviest. The photo on the right was taken at the same1.7×014k94214
48Jul 18, '19And suddenly, just like that, I’m 25 years old again. ❤️1.7×015k94618
49Aug 1, '19SPOILERS! Watched @Avengers twice today. Out of everyone who fought Thanos, Wanda came closest to killing him. If he didn’t call for the “Rain fire!” then the Scarlet Witch would h1.7×014k91628
50Jul 18, '19SNOOGANS! Rather than make you wait until Saturday night after Hall H, we’re gonna show you the #JayAndSilentBobReboot trailer RIGHT NOW! If you like it, come see the movie, me &am1.7×09.3k2.2k35
51Jan 25, '19SNOOGANS! To celebrate my 25th anniversary at Sundance, I’m pleased as a pot-head to announce that the good folks at SABAN and UNIVERSAL have given the green light to #JayAndSilent1.7×011k1.9k18
52Aug 3, '19My wife offered me anything I wanted for my birthday, so I said “Watch @Avengers with me” (she hadn’t seen it). When she agreed, I realized I should’ve requested to fuck instead. B1.7×014k80927
53Mar 5, '21Watched it 3 times. Loved it ALL. Show was everything I wanted it to be. For the folks who say I cry over movies/TV because I’m too stoned? I haven’t smoked weed in a week. Stop bl1.6×010k995279
54Apr 28, '23Devastated to report that my beloved best friend Shecky has passed away. There is a miniature dachshund-sized hole in my heart that will never be filled. Go hug your furry friend o1.6×307k9.5k24218
55Feb 2, '21Hiked Runyon for the first time in a month. A maskless passerby told me “Two masks is overkill.” I replied “Batman wears a mask.” Maskless guy looked at me like I was an idiot. In 1.6×012k72830
56Aug 18, '19By the Power of Grayskull! I have to shower! No - I mean I have the flour! Myah! One more try: I HAVE THE POWER! Thank you @Mattel and @netflix for letting my play in your Universe1.5×012k1.3k16
57Apr 23, '193 hours later and I’m shook! My God, @Avengers Endgame is beyond epic! It’s everything you hope it will be and more - an absolute @MarvelStudios marvel! And I’m pretty sure it will1.5×013k1.3k17
58Oct 17, '18Right now, marijuana is 100% legal in Toronto! In 3 hours, it’ll be 100% legal here in Vancouver as well! Congratulations on this historical day, Canada! You’re now America’s cool 1.5×012k1.4k4
59Mar 1, '18Friends & folks I work with have been sending thoughtful Get Well baskets since I got home. But @DisneyChannel just won the prize for funniest gift when they sent these cookies1.5×013k1.1k3
60Jan 23, '19My first film is now older than I was when I made it. That means I’ve been working in entertainment longer than when I was just simply dreaming about being in show business. I offe1.5×013k76310
61Feb 26, '19On Day 1 of #JayAndSilentBobReboot, we shot 9 pages, which represents nearly 10% of the entire flick. @JayMewes and #JasonLee had tons of tongue-twisting dialogue about pop culture1.5×011k1.3k6
62Nov 8, '19So after the sig-stalker called ⁦@JayMewes⁩ & I pricks (for not signing 10 copies each of pics he plans to re-sell), I went “Jersey” and stalked HIM for a pic (to post and warn1.4×011k84523
63Nov 25, '17Picking up milk and a fan stopped me to say “Thank you for a happy childhood.” I told him it was a mutually beneficial relationship, as folks like him have allowed me to avoid gett1.4×012k7000
64Nov 20, '18My Mom is in recovery now but her hernia surgery went great! The Doc told us Mom’s stomach was up in her chest - so they pulled it out of her esophagus and reattached it, lifting i1.4×013k3044
65Mar 10, '19Took the kid for my second soaring screening of @captainmarvel! When the @TheRealStanLee-filled @MarvelStudios logo and Stan’s cameo occurred, we both bawled in the same exact way 1.4×013k59615
66Feb 7, '19This is Doctor Marc Ladenheim. Last year, he used his uncanny abilities and extraordinary powers to rescue me after my heart went rogue and attacked me. Fuck Batman - this is what 1.4×012k5871
67Jan 1, '19HAPPY NEW YEAR! May you accomplish all the things you dream of doing (unless you dream of hurting people)! 2018 was the year that almost killed me, but 2019 will be the year of the1.3×011k8387
68Nov 27, '19Whenever I feel blue, I remember all the blessings I’ve enjoyed my whole life: from a Mom and Dad who shaped my journey, to the wife and kid who share said journey, to an audience 1.3×011k60524
69Feb 24, '17I asked them to take me someplace cool - so they brought me to her cousin's house...1.3×08.9k1.8k13
70Dec 27, '21Filet Mignon for Marty, tonight and in the morning - because tomorrow she goes to sleep. They say this is the price we pay for a dog’s unconditional love. That sentiment doesn’t ma1.2×011k20112
71Oct 8, '18Today I weigh 198! First time since high school I’ve been under 200 lbs! Thanks, @ww_us! To quote Prince, “Yes! It’s jacked! ‘cause I’m back! And I’m harder than a heart attack!” R1.2×011k4366
72Sep 26, '21Happy Birthday, @HamillHimself! Whether it’s the Force or the Sword, you’ve always had the power to change a kid into a fan and turn grown-ass adults into kids! You’ve been a light1.2×012k36414
73Mar 16, '18This film is why I survived my heart attack. I refuse to die til I see @Avengers. In fact, anticipation for all of these flicks might keep me alive for decades. I will accept etern1.2×08.9k1.4k10
74Jun 25, '19People tell me the quality of my flicks went to shit when I got married and had a kid. If so, it was a fair trade: whatever ailed me as a piss-&-vinegar 20-something was gone, 1.2×08.9k51516
75Dec 20, '17Oh. My. GAWD!!! I just got a @starwars Oscar screener! I’d like to thank the Academy...1.2×09.6k5931
76Mar 27, '19IT IS ACCOMPLISHED! Last night, after a 21 day shoot (the same number of days in which we shot CLERKS some 26 years ago), we wrapped my Askewniverse magnum opus #JayAndSilentBobReb1.2×09.5k8335
77Mar 5, '19Here’s me pretending to direct. My entire goofy job is predicated on capturing images; and yet after 25 years of making movies, I still don’t know how cameras work. Nearest I can f1.2×09.8k64710
78Oct 9, '20How It Started. How It’s Going.1.2×010k73615
79Dec 10, '17It DOES get so much better, Keaton! As a kid I was bullied for being a butterball. It hurt like hell. But you seem to understand that it’s THEM not you. Bullies are always deficien1.1×08.8k1.3k0
80Mar 25, '19Me and Mallrats got a shout-out in @captainmarvel, so me and Mallrats are shouting back in #JayAndSilentBobReboot!1.1×09k1k21
81Aug 3, '21Yesterday when we were shooting, these industrious young entrepreneurs opened a lemonade stand near our set and called it a “Clerks Jr.” It totally worked, resulting in our crew sp1.1×010k54017
82Aug 31, '21Last Day of CLERKS III. It’s been a blissful shoot. I’ve already cut together about an hour of the movie and it’s a funny as fuck, emotional paean to cinema. Tonight, these 2 old f1.1×09.9k49917
83Jul 13, '17When my Mom was in the hospital, she told me "I'm not ready yet; I've always wanted to see Notre-Dame." So in 2 weeks, Mom & me go to Paris!1.1×09.8k4840
84Jun 8, '20This is not only one of my favorite moments in any @MarvelStudios movie, it’s also one of my favorite moments in any movie ever. “Thank you for saving me,” is as powerful as “Don’t1.1×08.7k1.1k85
85Aug 1, '19SPOILERS! 3rd time seeing @Avengers at home. Tony running into Howard is my favorite scene. And this exchange paves the way for Tony’s last stand. The movie deserves a Best Screenp1.1×09k75342
86Apr 2, '21No argument here. If DIE HARD can be a Christmas movie, MALLRATS can be an Easter flick.1.1×08.7k99016
87Jan 6, '22When you’re at the weed store and you run into your kid.1.1×010k24533
88Apr 29, '19Farewell my filmmaking friend! Your Boyz story and your laser disc commentary inspired me back before I shot my first film. You made me believe I might be able to be like you: hear1.1×09.3k8748
89Oct 20, '20After growing up going to shopping centers, I made MALLRATS in ‘95. It debuted in theaters 25 years ago today as an instant critical & commercial failure. But a quarter of a ce1.1×08.8k65214
90Jan 14, '18The great #AlanRickman passed away two years ago today. I was such a fan of his cinematic work that I cast him in DOGMA as the Voice of God. But it was my friendship with Alan that1.1×08.6k9863
91Mar 13, '19And Justice for all! @ShannonElizab is gonna help #JayAndSilentBobReboot! We’re halfway done with production at the point; so sadly, there are only 10 more days left. Trying to rem1.1×08.7k7346
92Aug 24, '19Quite the opposite! I just saw my cardiologist last week for a stress test, 1.5 years after the heart attack that almost killed me. He said my ticker’s in excellent condition, I’m 1.0×09.2k2276
93Mar 20, '20HOLY SITH! Congrats @rosariodawson! Your dream came true! I have no doubt that you will be the greatest addition to the live action @starwars universe since The Child! (Teach Mando1.0×08.4k72212
94May 3, '19May the Force Be with You, #PeterMayhew! As the King of the Cinematic Sidekicks, your performance helped make my childhood fun! Thank you for bringing Chewbacca to life and for alw1.0×08.5k8133
95Dec 31, '17Yelled at me from a car at a stop sign in Burbank: “Are you Kevin James?!” I call back “Not him. I’m the OTHER one.” And when he looks at me confused, I clarify by pointing at myse1.0×08.4k7460
96Oct 14, '25Many thanks to @cbssaturday for featuring @SmodCinemas in their indie movie theater piece last week! Whenever you’re near New Jersey, come see us at Smodcastle Cinemas - Where the 1.0×188k4055229
97Aug 12, '19Hiking Runyon tonight, I saw a teenager on a bench wearing a Clerks hat watching a video on his phone. Trying to surprise him, I said “I like your hat.” He said “Thanks,” without e1.0×08.6k34912
98Sep 7, '18This is the 5th time this week that I’ve hiked #RunyonCanyon. It’s sweaty work but not as hard as it used to be for me to do. And tomorrow, the dork who made @YogaHosers is going t1.0×08.7k2403

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