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Texas Humor

@TexasHumor685k followers

I have chili in my veins and a snake in my boot.

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Posts 100 posts
#DatePost↓ OutlierViewsLikesRepostsBookmarks
1Jan 21, '25Meteorologists: “it’s going to freeze tonight. Remember to drip your faucets.” Houston:12.9×1.9M37k3k898
2Aug 25, '17"Forgot my charger"9.1×019k8.4k1
3Sep 22, '17Fall is tomorrow and you know what that means... 🍂 🍁 🍂 🍁 🍂 🍁 🍂 Nothing. This is Texas. It’s still 90 degrees out.6.2×012k6.2k2
4Aug 28, '17Just Texans doing Texan things.4.7×010k4.3k0
5Mar 2, '17181 looks good on ya, Texas. Happy Texas Independence Day y'all!3.9×06.2k4.6k0
6Aug 11, '14Is it just me, or does heaven look a lot like Texas?3.4×05.2k4.3k0
7Sep 27, '16This is the real pressing issue here y'all.3.4×06.2k3.6k0
8Jan 24, '21"Once COVID is over" is starting to sound a lot like "when they finish I-35"...3.2×08.9k1.8k22
9Jun 3, '14Someone needs to tell this kid that his outfit is illegal in Texas.3.1×04.2k4.1k0
10Jul 1, '17RT if you just wanna be floatin the river.3.0×03.7k4.1k0
11Mar 31, '1419 years ago, today we lost Selena. RIP to the Texan that did it all before all the modern pop stars.3.0×02.7k4.6k0
12Oct 28, '24“And we shall name them the Dallas Cowboys and they will be America’s Team.” “So they will play in Dallas then sir?” “No, they’ll play in Arlington, but have offices in Frisco.” “B2.9×421k9.5k627276
13Mar 2, '15Happy Independence Day to the greatest country in the USA: Texas.2.8×02.9k4.1k0
14Nov 29, '14Whataburger tastes like Texas.2.7×06.2k2.4k1
15Aug 30, '17This. Is. Texan.2.7×06.2k2.4k0
16Dec 18, '16Be awesome, just like Texas.2.7×05.3k2.8k0
17Nov 29, '17You may be Texan, but you'll never be as Texan as Matthew McConaughey with an Armadillo at a Willie Nelson Concert.2.7×06.7k1.9k2
18Oct 14, '17Very important traffic update.2.6×06.2k2.1k0
19Aug 22, '16Texas was on Beast Mode.2.6×03.9k3.2k0
20Sep 12, '17I'll wait.2.6×05.8k2.1k0
21Mar 8, '18RT if y'all're ready to be floatin the river.2.4×03.6k2.8k1
22Jun 13, '19Identity theft is not a joke Brian.2.3×06.8k1.3k19
23Mar 2, '18182 looks good on ya, Texas. Happy Texas Independence Day y'all! #TexasIndependenceDay2.2×04k2.3k1
24Aug 26, '16The four magic words.2.2×03.8k2.2k0
25Jul 27, '17When you relate to a license plate on a spiritual level.2.2×04.9k1.9k0
26Dec 14, '17Be awesome, just like Texas.2.2×04.6k2k0
27Mar 31, '17RIP Selena. 22 years without ya are 22 too many.2.2×03.9k2.3k0
28Aug 28, '17This gets me right in the feels...2.1×04.5k1.8k0
29Oct 22, '17Dear @Yankees, Signed, @astros2.0×04.3k1.8k0
30Jul 16, '17RT if you grew up calling it Water-burger.2.0×03.3k2.2k0
31Nov 2, '17Houston Strong. Texas Tough. #EarnHistory1.9×03.9k1.9k1
32Aug 16, '15Things Texans love: •Whataburger •Kolaches •Cowboy Boots •Tacos •BBQ •Shiner •Blue Bell •Sweet Tea •Chips & Salsa •85 MPH Limits1.9×02.8k2.4k1
33Feb 9, '17I wouldn't expect anything less from you Texas.1.9×03.7k2k0
34Jan 6, '18Things I miss about Texas when I leave it: -HEB -Whataburger -BBQ -Hospitality -85 mph speed limits -Texas1.8×04.7k1.2k1
35Jan 20, '18Actual advice the news gave for Southerners driving in the snow for the first time. Save this for future reference.1.8×04.1k1.5k1
36Sep 6, '16Dang it feels good to be a Texan.1.8×03k1.9k0
37Sep 12, '17How it feels to be from Texas 💪🏽1.8×03.9k1.6k0
38Aug 26, '17Texas woman hands reporter a 6-pack of beer while he's reporting on the hurricane. Not all heroes wear capes.1.8×03.7k1.5k0
39Jul 23, '19McConaughey as various places in and around Texas: a saga.1.7×04.6k1k43
40May 27, '16Texas weather lately.1.7×02.6k2.1k0
41Feb 5, '20It's February and 37 degrees outside. Texas ...1.7×04.2k1.2k14
42Jan 30, '17I've got an idea y'all...1.6×02.8k1.7k0
43Mar 26, '17If this is your favorite part of road trips, you're probably a Texan.1.6×03.4k1.4k0
44Aug 6, '17RT if you grew up calling it Water-burger.1.6×02.6k1.8k0
45May 18, '17Happy birthday to The King himself! Today should be a national holiday, just sayin'.1.5×02.7k1.7k0
46Jan 6, '18A resolution we can all get behind.1.5×03.5k1.3k0
47Aug 29, '17Never underestimate a Texan's love of our state.1.5×03.3k1.4k0
48Jun 7, '18I guess Texas shaped waffles weren't good enough.1.5×04k81716
49May 1, '16He's a keeper.1.5×03k1.5k0
50Jun 12, '18You know who doesn't have bad buns? @Whataburger1.5×03.4k1.1k1
51Feb 7, '19Me: Is it winter or spring? Texas: ¿Porque no los dos?1.5×03.4k1.2k16
52Apr 16, '19Matthew McConaughey as margaritas: a thread1.5×03.2k1.2k73
53Nov 2, '17Also, In N Out sucks... @Whataburger is the MVP1.4×03.4k1.2k0
54Oct 6, '18Hey OU, Try harder next time. Signed, Texas1.4×03.6k1.1k3
55Mar 19, '20BREAKING: @GregAbbott_TX waives regulation preventing alcohol deliveries from restaurants. We can now order margaritas to be delivered at home. Prayers have been answered.1.4×03.7k8059
56Feb 7, '19RT if you grew up believing you'd immediately get arrested if you picked a bluebonnet.1.4×02.8k1.4k5
57Mar 2, '18Happy Birthday Texas! We made ya a cake 🎂#TexasIndependenceDay1.4×03k1.3k0
58Mar 16, '17Lol Minnesota what you doin'1.4×02.7k1.3k0
59Oct 10, '17Explaining Buc-ee's to non-Texans: "idk it's huge and the bathrooms are clean and there's a beaver."1.4×03.4k1.1k0
60May 29, '17Lucky to be American. Blessed to be Texan. ❤️💙1.4×02.8k1.4k0
61Mar 17, '17Things Texans love: •Whataburger •Kolaches •Cowboy Boots •Tacos •BBQ •Shiner •Blue Bell •Sweet Tea •Chips & Salsa •85 MPH Limits1.4×02.7k1.3k0
62Jul 8, '18Sometimes God answers prayers that you didn’t know you were praying. Can’t. Wait.1.3×02.6k1k15
63Jul 15, '17Wanna take a week-long road trip this summer? Just drive through Texas.1.3×03.1k1k0
64Apr 6, '20If you’re not first, you’re last.1.3×03.4k88714
65Sep 1, '17With everything going on, it's good to have a little laugh 😂1.3×03.2k9140
66Mar 5, '17If your daily diet consists of mainly this, you're probably from Texas.1.3×03k9200
67Dec 27, '17Because any other state would just look silly in waffle form.1.2×03.1k8210
68Oct 16, '17Fall is always my favorite 2 or 3 days of the year. 🍂🍁1.2×02.8k1.1k0
69Sep 14, '17Me: I can't dance Me, five tequila shots later:1.2×02.6k1k0
70Aug 4, '1825 years ago today, Texas Justice was delivered.1.2×02.9k9684
71Mar 16, '20Actual traffic maps of Texas right now.1.2×03.3k61018
72Jul 4, '18A definitive ranking of the best singers: 15. You 14. can’t 13. rank 12. the 11. best 10. singers 9. because 8. they're 7. all 6. great 5. in 4. their 3. own 2. way 1. George Strai1.2×02.9k9500
73Oct 31, '17Whata woman, whata costume1.2×03k8350
74Oct 30, '17“Hi 911, yeah I’d like to report a hostage situation in Houston. The Dodgers and Astros are holding 41,000+ people in Minute Maid Park.”1.2×03.1k8501
75Aug 29, '17In Texas "hero" is spelled: F-I-R-S-T R-E-S-P-O-N-D-E-R1.2×02.9k9470
76Sep 8, '17Be thankful for the dry bed you've got tonight. Be thoughtful of fellow Texans who don't. Be giving to ensure that they get one soon.1.2×03k9010
77Feb 11, '18Ain’t she a beaut?1.2×03.2k7650
78Sep 18, '16Whatakeeper.1.2×02.8k8670
79Aug 27, '17Texans helping Texans. 👌🏼🌮❤️1.2×02.8k8940
80Apr 1, '20👑1.2×03.3k60511
81Apr 5, '20BREAKING NEWS: God was spotted in Texas today. When asked what he was doing here he said, "working from home."1.1×03k66717
82Dec 24, '17Me on every Texas highway ever.1.1×02.7k8661
83Oct 18, '18|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| | IT'S CALLED | | QUESO. | | NOT | | CHEESE DIP | | ＿＿＿＿＿___ | (\__/) || (•ㅅ•) || / づ1.1×03.1k6774
84Sep 20, '19What-a-legend1.1×03.2k64815
85Nov 6, '18One taught me love, one taught me patience, and one taught me pain1.1×02.6k86414
86Sep 25, '17I love you from Texline to Brownsville and back ❤️1.1×02.7k7440
87Sep 24, '17you vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about1.1×02.8k7770
88Nov 2, '17Our recap of last night's game. TX > CA.1.1×02.7k7910
89Jun 30, '18Sugarland y’all okay?!1.1×02.7k7337
90Sep 24, '18No. I wouldn't agree. This "study" is a lie.1.1×02.7k5100
91Mar 5, '18Seriously though1.1×02.6k7571
92Apr 6, '17Home Sweet Texas.1.0×02.7k6690
93May 16, '19Cloudy with a chance of avocado 🥑1.0×03k5166
94May 17, '18We love everything about Texas. Including the spicy parts.1.0×02.6k6573
95Jul 19, '18You may still be 5-10 hours away, but home never felt so good.1.0×02.9k5341
96Feb 4, '19I serve queso. I know queso. Queso is a friend of mine. Dana, that is no queso.1.0×03.1k3863
97Apr 23, '18Bruh, stay inside.0.9×02.6k5695
98Jan 20, '20Texas college football mascots: a guide.0.9×02.8k39418
99Nov 22, '20A 12 hour wait to find out their fries are absolute garbage.0.9×02.7k36111
100Sep 13, '19Excused.0.8×02.7k3319

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