Stephen Colbert

@StephenAtHome16.5M followers

Evie’s husband

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Oct 16

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Posts 100 posts

#	Date	Post	↓ Outlier	Likes	Reposts	Bookmarks
1	Jun 19, '18	One thing I know for sure: no one on the right side of history has ever had to nitpick what the definition of “cage” is.	4.6×	246k	65k	190
2	Nov 20, '20	Happy birthday, @JoeBiden! Today you may be 78, but in two months, you’ll be 46.	4.3×	303k	21k	335
3	Nov 4, '20	The human body was not made to expend this much energy thinking about Pennsylvania.	4.1×	271k	30k	521
4	Nov 7, '20	This time of year I love watching the states change color.	3.9×	274k	19k	379
5	Sep 29, '20	For those who insist Trump is a religious man, I'll grant you he pays taxes like a church.	3.5×	227k	28k	423
6	Nov 15, '17	Welcome home, @RealDonaldTrump! While you were gone we started actually punishing people for sexual harassment so, you know, heads up.	3.5×	200k	41k	2
7	Jul 21, '20	Trump says he might not accept the 2020 election results. If he needs a recommendation, I have a great therapist who helped me accept the results of the 2016 election.	3.5×	225k	26k	447
8	Apr 4, '20	The last two weeks have been a strange ten years.	3.4×	212k	34k	395
9	Aug 12, '20	Thank god it's Kamala! I was worried Biden was going to pick someone else who would have made me absolutely still vote for him no matter what.	3.4×	230k	23k	332
10	Jan 19, '21	No garbage collection today—because it’s MLK Day and because, this week, America’s taking out the trash on Wednesday.	3.4×	224k	24k	365
11	Dec 1, '17	Non-hypothetical question: are you insane?	3.3×	177k	44k	4
12	Feb 27, '18	I’m surprised the NRA was affiliated with car rental companies at all, considering Hertz and Avis enforce tyrannical rules like "age restrictions" and "having a license."	3.2×	186k	37k	14
13	Jan 8, '21	It’ll be a shame if history allows one horrific event on this president’s watch to overshadow all the other horrific events on this president’s watch.	3.2×	212k	23k	449
14	Jan 12, '21	After these FBI arrests, just think of all the basements that moms will be able to redecorate.	3.1×	211k	20k	333
15	Nov 14, '20	Just tried on an old pair of pants, and I refuse to accept the results. Widespread fraud.	3.0×	212k	14k	346
16	Mar 2, '21	There's so much I admire about the French: their sophistication, their cinema, their willingness to prosecute former presidents.	3.0×	201k	21k	463
17	Jul 27, '17	Fixed it for you, @realDonaldTrump.	2.8×	144k	42k	2
18	Jan 20, '21	The president wants a big military send-off tomorrow. Unfortunately, the military is busy defending the Capitol from his supporters.	2.8×	189k	16k	304
19	Nov 6, '20	Let's take a moment to appreciate that we're waiting to find out if the winner of the election is going to win the election.	2.7×	187k	16k	368
20	Jul 19, '17	RIP Republican Health Care Bill. In lieu of flowers, please send new representatives to Congress in 2018.	2.7×	136k	43k	2
21	Nov 26, '20	Telling your kids that Rudy Giuliani was once respected is like explaining that O.J. Simpson was once a football player.	2.7×	183k	14k	354
22	Nov 10, '20	To be fair, very few words are.	2.6×	182k	13k	360
23	Sep 22, '17	Please @JimmyKimmel - stay out of politics. Leave the important stuff to reality TV stars with a knack for bankrupting casinos.	2.5×	144k	29k	2
24	May 24, '18	South Korean official response: “We are attempting to make sense of what, precisely, President Trump means.” Welcome to the fucking club.	2.5×	143k	30k	106
25	Sep 6, '17	Repealing DACA in order to MAGA is a load of CACA.	2.4×	122k	38k	1
26	Jan 29, '21	Hedge funds are complaining about losing billions on GameStop, which means it’s a good time to invest in whatever company makes the world’s tiniest violins.	2.4×	163k	15k	280
27	Jan 6, '18	One of the most surprising parts of "Fire and Fury" is how Donald Trump accidentally started a national book club.	2.3×	135k	26k	5
28	Jan 20, '18	Let he who is without a fetish for being spanked by a porn star with a magazine featuring you on the cover & then ask a lawyer set up a shell corp in Delaware to secretly pay h	2.3×	123k	30k	3
29	Jan 12, '21	It feels like I just took my decorations down from last impeachment!	2.3×	158k	12k	262
30	Jan 9, '21	The president got permanently suspended from Twitter! Your move, Grubhub.	2.2×	160k	9.1k	179
31	Jan 24, '19	I am starting a petition for the Democrats to let @iamcardib give the rebuttal to the SOTU. Sign it by retweeting this!	2.2×	76k	47k	103
32	Nov 8, '18	Fighting Tucker Carlson’s ideas is an American right. Targeting his home and terrorizing his family is an act of monstrous cowardice. Obviously don’t do this, but also, take no ple	2.1×	116k	21k	99
33	Sep 10, '19	Starting a twitter feud with @chrissyteigen is like trying to fight a hurricane with a sharpie.	2.1×	141k	13k	178
34	Oct 4, '20	Well, this seems pretty clear.	2.0×	126k	15k	1.4k
35	Sep 27, '17	And in one stroke, Twitter doubles the complexity of our nation's foreign policy.	1.9×	107k	24k	0
36	Oct 26, '16	Emma Watson wrote a note urging Americans to vote. She didn't spend her childhood fighting a dark lord so we could elect one.	1.9×	82k	37k	4
37	Jun 23, '20	As someone who’s been performing without an audience for the last 3 months, Mr. President, you get used to it.	1.8×	128k	9.4k	122
38	Mar 28, '20	The longer this goes on, the harder it's going to be to return to a society where pants are required.	1.8×	116k	13k	156
39	Jun 14, '17	Stephen King has been blocked by Trump on Twitter. I guess his book about a scary clown hit too close to home.	1.8×	95k	24k	2
40	Feb 7, '17	Elementary math under Betsy Devos Q: Ned and Sheryl each have 4 apples. Who has more apples? A: Whomever Mike Pence decides has more apples.	1.7×	75k	30k	1
41	Jan 16, '21	The president’s right that people shouldn’t compare him to Nixon. Nixon got re-elected.	1.7×	117k	8.8k	132
42	Dec 14, '17	CNN: Roy Moore lost. MSNBC: Doug Jones will be the next senator from Alabama. FOX: IS MUELLER SECRETLY HILLARY IN A LATEX MASK? WE’LL ASK TED NUGENT.	1.7×	98k	19k	0
43	Aug 5, '17	Trump's going on vacation for 17 days, or 1.7 Scaramuccis.	1.7×	96k	19k	1
44	Mar 12, '20	What I wouldn't give for a dull moment.	1.7×	105k	14k	146
45	Apr 21, '17	Sessions is "amazed" an "island in the Pacific" judge can block the travel ban. Just like how I'm "bewildered" a "racist elf" can be AG.	1.6×	79k	26k	0
46	Jun 14, '19	Sarah Huckabee Sanders is leaving, or as Sarah Huckabee Sanders would say, "Sarah Huckabee Sanders is not leaving."	1.6×	102k	12k	106
47	May 8, '17	Wonder Woman is in theaters June 2nd. But if you want a sneak preview, watch Sally Yates' performance in front of the Senate.	1.6×	80k	23k	1
48	Dec 9, '17	Wow, if I had invested $1,000 in Bitcoin last week, today I would have... still no idea how Bitcoin works.	1.5×	93k	16k	1
49	Feb 17, '21	Tucker Carlson said Joe and Jill Biden's marriage is "as real as climate change." Because it's been around since the Carter administration, and it's only getting hotter?	1.5×	106k	7.6k	233
50	Feb 19, '20	I wonder how much money Bloomberg carries around with him. If only there were some way we could stop him on the street for no reason to search through his pockets.	1.5×	96k	12k	163
51	May 7, '19	That Starbucks cup in Game of Thrones really broke the reality of a dragon-riding lady in love with a guy who came back from the dead.	1.5×	99k	10k	151
52	Dec 21, '18	Why is anyone surprised that Trump's willing to shut down our government when it's clearly not the one he works for?	1.5×	82k	17k	76
53	Feb 10, '17	SEE YOU IN COURT WHERE WE ALREADY ARE BUT A DIFFERENT COURT SHUT UP NO YOU'RE STUPID!	1.5×	80k	20k	0
54	Jun 11, '20	Don't worry about those Confederate statues being torn down. They're getting what they always wanted: out of America.	1.5×	97k	11k	163
55	Dec 19, '18	Chris Farley and I started at Second City on the same day. You knew the minute you saw him on stage he was great. He was sweet and smart and funny. When I heard he had died, 21 yea	1.5×	103k	7.2k	87
56	Jun 21, '18	View post on X	1.4×	66k	23k	336
57	Feb 10, '17	Please please please represent yourself in front of the Supreme Court. I'll never ask for anything else ever again.	1.4×	76k	18k	0
58	Jul 18, '20	Goodbye, John Lewis. Thank you for the #goodtrouble	1.4×	82k	14k	789
59	Jul 18, '18	Of course Obama gave a great speech. He’s married to Melania’s speechwriter.	1.4×	92k	10k	39
60	Sep 25, '19	Let today be a lesson, kids: Crime doesn't pay after the first two and a half years of doing nonstop crime.	1.4×	92k	10k	121
61	Oct 6, '20	Do we need a Super Secret Service to protect the Secret Service from the President?	1.4×	94k	7.8k	92
62	Jul 17, '18	TRUMP: Putin says he didn’t do it. So I believe the guy. ALSO TRUMP: We can’t be sure this 8-month-old isn’t a sleeper agent for MS-13. Better make him appear in court alone.	1.4×	75k	18k	73
63	Mar 13, '20	Hi Folks. We have a new show tonight w no audience, but we cancelled next week’s shows before our scheduled break. I wish I could stay on stage to share this uncertain moment w you	1.3×	99k	3.8k	109
64	Jul 24, '20	“That interview was disturbing." - every Person, Woman, Man, Camera, and TV	1.3×	93k	7.8k	168
65	Sep 22, '18	"I ask that she bring those filings forward so that we can learn date, time, and place!" ...tweets the man too scared to release his tax returns.	1.3×	77k	15k	40
66	Jul 24, '19	9/11 First Responders Bill passes the senate 97-2! A long overdue honoring of our debt to them. Here’s a nice photo of McConnell walking in to vote, taken by the great Bill Clark:	1.3×	88k	8.5k	148
67	Oct 7, '20	Trump's going back on the campaign trail and the enthusiasm is contagious! Oh, wait that's not enthusiasm...	1.3×	88k	9k	82
68	Jul 31, '17	Scaramucci, we barely knewcci.	1.3×	77k	13k	0
69	May 1, '20	The virus still has 3 hours left to miraculously go away in April!	1.3×	88k	7.6k	74
70	Oct 23, '20	Last night, it was so refreshing to see an actual debate. Next year, it would be so refreshing to see an actual president.	1.3×	89k	6.3k	37
71	Nov 5, '20	Anybody know what to do when your Democracy does this?	1.3×	85k	6.1k	168
72	Jan 21, '21	Fine! We’ll turn up the heat in the studio!	1.2×	91k	4.3k	270
73	Jun 16, '21	“I pledge allegiance to the flag…unless times get tough, then I’m off to Cancun!”	1.2×	82k	7.9k	116
74	Apr 17, '18	Funny how when James @Comey writes a book about the 2016 election and how he lost his dream job and drank wine nobody tells him to go walk in the woods and keep quiet.	1.2×	70k	14k	29
75	Nov 7, '20	“And all the host laughed and wept...and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of bl	1.2×	86k	5.4k	250
76	Nov 25, '20	Remember: the president can pardon turkeys for federal crimes only. Corn and Cob can still be indicted by the Manhattan DA.	1.2×	87k	5.3k	113
77	May 16, '20	Quarantine has finally given me the time to clean out my attic. I haven't done it, but the time is there.	1.2×	87k	5k	138
78	Nov 4, '20	Easily the most stressful National Sandwich Day in my lifetime.	1.2×	84k	5.5k	108
79	Feb 6, '20	Ratings for Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech were down 21% from last year. Maybe it’s time to re-cast the lead?	1.2×	79k	7.8k	59
80	Jun 10, '22	Before you decide if the former president is responsible for the Capitol riots, remember that in America you’re innocent until proven guilty, then proven guilty again, then proven	1.2×	71k	9.4k	190
81	Feb 5, '20	Has somebody tried turning Iowa off and turning it back on again?	1.2×	79k	6.7k	61
82	Jan 8, '19	My network will be carrying Trump’s Wall speech live. So at 9pm Tuesday, tune into CBS to See B.S.	1.2×	68k	9.5k	76
83	Aug 10, '22	Okay, GOP, you win: we should arrest whoever appointed FBI Director Christopher Wray.	1.1×	72k	8.1k	137
84	Jun 12, '19	I can’t believe Disney didn’t call it “2 Frozen 2 Flurrious.”	1.1×	75k	8k	81
85	Dec 9, '17	The White House is saying Trump's slurred speech last week was due to dry throat. It's a common side effect to lying mouth.	1.1×	66k	11k	0
86	May 15, '20	“If we didn’t do any murder investigations, we would have very few murder cases.”	1.1×	66k	10k	311
87	Apr 7, '20	I might need a haircut #HeatMiser	1.1×	75k	2.6k	147
88	Oct 2, '18	Jeff Flake says politics have become too partisan. I agree — time to reach across the aisle and have tough conversations like: “Kids in cages: good or bad?”	1.1×	65k	12k	29
89	Sep 17, '20	After 175 years of staying neutral in elections, Scientific American has endorsed Joe Biden. Good thing Trump has practice getting spanked by a magazine.	1.1×	72k	7.6k	111
90	Jan 26, '21	Mar-a-Lago members are quitting in droves. Turns out, it’s just not the same if you can't hear the launch codes being shouted over the shrimp buffet.	1.1×	74k	5.8k	102
91	Nov 12, '20	Georgia is recounting all presidential ballots by hand. We're 72 hours from the GOP demanding a recount by foot.	1.1×	76k	4.2k	75
92	Apr 1, '20	College seniors, take it from me: you don't need a commencement ceremony to sit outside in the blazing heat, pretending you're not hungover.	1.0×	75k	4.2k	111
93	Apr 6, '21	Matt Gaetz never took COVID-19 seriously because she was a little too old for him.	1.0×	70k	5.7k	105
94	May 22, '20	I still haven’t decided where to go for my week off, but I’ve got it narrowed down to the kitchen or the den.	1.0×	72k	3.9k	59
95	Mar 15, '19	Mr. President, you misspelled “Beto.”	1.0×	66k	7.1k	44
96	Nov 8, '20	Alex Trebek was a gentleman, and it was a privilege to share the stage, even briefly, with such a kind, thoughtful guy. Rest in Peace.	1.0×	73k	2.4k	109
97	Jul 22, '20	I'm surprised federal troops made it to Oregon so easily. According to my favorite video game half of them should've sunk while fording the river.	0.9×	66k	4.7k	98
98	Nov 21, '20	I'm interviewing Barack Obama on Monday, which gives me great pause. Not because I'm worried—he just has incredible pauses.	0.9×	69k	1.9k	81
99	Jan 30, '21	It's so cold in New York this weekend, I think I might stay inside since last March.	0.9×	67k	3.2k	86
100	Dec 2, '20	Biden has now been certified as the winner in Arizona, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and a J. D. Power Award for best mid-sized family vehicle.	0.9×	65k	3k	55

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