Raffi Melkonian

@RMFifthCircuit65k followers

Appellate lawyer at Wright, Close & Barger in Houston, with a Fifth Circuit and TX appellate practice. So-called Dean, #appellatetwitter (banner from Art Lien)

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Across 65 organic posts

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Oct 17

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Posts 65 posts

#	Date	Post	↓ Outlier	Views	Likes	Reposts	Bookmarks
1	Jun 11, '24	“Put me in a cell with my client” is the story everyone will tell about this guy forever.	90.6×	1.8M	26k	1.6k	977
2	May 23, '24	You're telling me there was a US v. Canada football game where you played American rules in the first half and Canadian in the second and the trophy was a small teapot and we STOPP	69.5×	1.4M	24k	1.8k	1k
3	Nov 28, '20	Re-reading the Trump PA case just now, I’m struck that perhaps never has a man lost so many cases so quickly. It’s not just the volume of losses, but how fast and total they are. I	25×	0	31k	2.5k	139
4	Jun 15, '23	Lol	25×	486k	3k	352	132
5	Sep 14, '23	A devoted Rastafarian wanted to keep his locks while imprisoned, and TOOK a copy of the Fifth Circuit's opinion saying he could with him to intake. The guards threw it away and for	22.2×	432k	2.5k	370	186
6	May 4, '24	Imagine your job is to get qualified immunity here	21.8×	425k	2.7k	299	471
7	Aug 4, '23	Holy Moly - CA5 holds that Mississippi's law disenfranchising various felons for life violates the Eighth Amendment! Vote is 2-1, Jones dissenting 1/	19.7×	384k	1.2k	312	35
8	May 7, '23	Every time there’s another one of these appalling shooting, I think about what the public policy reaction would be if there were a low-grade terror campaign by a foreign enemy that	19.3×	376k	3.9k	765	61
9	Mar 29, '23	Every lawyer in America laughing to the tune of the rule against perpetuities.	13.8×	269k	1.7k	205	50
10	Aug 10, '23	In case you don’t read to the end of the abstract, @WilliamBaude and Professor Paulsen say that Donald Trump is, right now, disqualified from being President.	12.9×	252k	1.2k	435	56
11	Mar 29, '20	What??	10.5×	0	8.1k	2.8k	222
12	Oct 5, '23	Beckham missed out on a career as a trial lawyer.	8.5×	165k	1.4k	119	41
13	Nov 19, '20	Non-lawyer followers: this litigation (in all the states) is truly blowing my mind. It's as if you're playing chess and your opponent lets off a whoopie cushion, throws a Zebra Cak	7.2×	0	6.2k	1.6k	96
14	Jul 13, '21	There's a strange thread circulating about how food was more healthy in the 1980s. I just want to say, as someone who grew up then, it was much worse. Comically worse. In almost	7.2×	0	8k	714	211
15	Jul 26, '25	This is gibberish	6.3×	122k	1.7k	78	94
16	Apr 26, '22	OK, I'm going to live-tweet the Twitter-Musk merger agreement, which just dropped. No judgment, just explaining. For new followers, I was a corporate lawyer at a Fancy Firm a long	6.1×	0	4.5k	1.1k	937
17	Jan 22, '21	Guys, an actual filing in federal court is asking for the court to establish the Stewardship of Gondor in the absence of Aragorn. No, I'm not joking. h.t @questauthority	5.7×	0	3.5k	1.2k	159
18	Jul 2, '24	Getting a late start today because I was looking for the constitutional text that says you can't use evidence of immune official acts to prosecute non-immune non-official acts.	4.6×	90k	1.8k	242	74
19	Sep 20, '24	OK if you have some kind of public confession tonight is the night.	4.5×	88k	1.3k	127	15
20	Jul 1, '24	What a nightmare this opinion is. Oof.	4.5×	87k	1.3k	83	39
21	Aug 10, '18	This is a hobby horse of mine, so apologies. But - most NFL players aren't rich. They make less than a fancy lawyer for 3-4 years - maybe 10 if they're incredibly lucky - then they	3.6×	0	3.3k	767	19
22	Jul 30, '20	The country needs to come together to completely blow him away. No narrow wins, people. It has to be completely overwhelming. He has to become Mondale. It's the only way.	3.4×	0	3.8k	509	4
23	Nov 17, '20	Ok, here is my complete thread on today’s hearing in PA. Takeaways: I think the Judge was very skeptical of Trump’s claims. I’d expect him to dismiss the case on Friday. Rudy Giuli	3.2×	0	3k	495	125
24	Nov 17, '20	“What standard of review should I apply?” Rudy: “The normal one.” I can hear the judge’s befuddlement from here. The normal one is not the answer. He wanted “strict scrutiny” or in	3.2×	0	2.7k	314	55
25	Feb 17, '22	W....ow. The Fifth Circuit's just held that United Airlines employees might suffer irreparable injury from the company's vaccine mandate. I will tweet the decision here. *Bias aler	3.1×	0	2.7k	511	150
26	Feb 17, '22	Let me start with Judge Smith's dissent. It is hard to convey the ferocity of it on here. He disagrees in every possible respect. This passage is representative. /4	3.1×	0	2.8k	512	69
27	Nov 21, '20	My mini-thread on the Pennsylvania decision is here. Bottom line: a completely expected but humiliating and harshly worded defeat for Trump. The judge pours calumny on Rudy’s head	3.1×	0	3.1k	524	62
28	Jun 11, '24	@BroyleTim I don't really know what's going on in the case more generally. But basically, the defense lawyer found out the judge had been pressuring a witness to testify with the D	3.0×	59k	1.4k	18	58
29	Oct 28, '24	And New York shall have a high Court to finally decide all issues of state law, and this court shall be the supreme authority on state law. And it will be called the Supreme Court?	2.9×	56k	1.4k	102	48
30	Nov 2, '20	No standing for plaintiffs! The case is over.	2.8×	0	2.3k	357	11
31	Nov 28, '20	The perennial lawyering question is a chicken v egg scenario. Did they lose so badly because their lawyers are had or because they’re bringing nonsense claims. Well, the claims. Bu	2.8×	0	3.6k	243	14
32	Oct 31, '20	The people challenging the drive-through voting procedure here in Houston (Republican operatives) haven't gotten what they wanted from the Texas courts (although one case is still	2.8×	0	3k	482	11
33	May 16, '22	Even non-lawyers should read Gorsuch in Patel v. Garland for a sense of how impossible our immigration laws are. Patel tried to apply for a Green Card. He checked the wrong box on	2.5×	0	2.2k	474	185
34	Jul 9, '22	There’s a lot of confusion on my timeline about whether Elon has a right to walk from the Twitter deal for $1bn. No. He would write that check right this second if he could walk aw	2.5×	0	2.3k	382	174
35	Sep 29, '22	The Fifth Circuit reverses and grants judgment for a judge who does a prayer ceremony in his courtroom before hearing cases. Judge Jolly dissents in relevant part. His descriptio	2.4×	0	1.8k	488	76
36	Nov 17, '20	OK, I am theoretically in this MD Pa. motion to dismiss hearing conference call. Right now we've got some snappy hold music. But if I'm in, I will live-tweet.	2.3×	0	1.3k	193	192
37	Sep 22, '22	I've a strong view, formed over many years of litigation, that you should probably not broadcast pictures of the judge you're currently litigating in front of with lasers coming ou	2.2×	0	2.4k	277	63
38	Nov 28, '20	Getting creamed on the merits on appeal in 2 days is some kind of land speed record. Not just a motion for stay! A full merits affirmance!	2.1×	0	2.8k	167	4
39	Feb 21, '22	This is not the first we've heard of this story, but again: the prosector secretly wrote the opinions in his own cases. Just sit with that for a bit.	2.1×	0	1.9k	492	64
40	Jan 3, '21	Right. Again, this is hilarious. Gohmert asked for the appeal to be sped up, with briefing today and tomorrow and reply briefs and amici. The Fifth Circuit said, yeah, never mind,	2.0×	0	2.2k	362	13
41	Sep 2, '21	I wanted to note something about Texas SB8 that's been my hobbyhorse since this law was proposed, and should give pause even to people who want abortion banned. Look at the text	2.0×	0	1.4k	463	93
42	Apr 6, '21	All government agencies should be in the shape of what they do.	2.0×	0	2.3k	239	20
43	Jan 6, '21	Just a reminder, Trump walked through recently deployed tear gas to give a speech with a bible he's never opened. But people are occupying the Capitol, he loves them. Yeah, I'm a l	2.0×	0	2.2k	334	6
44	Nov 14, '20	At some point it’s just pathetic.	2.0×	0	2.2k	166	6
45	Apr 26, '22	Oh man this is amazing. No random public announcements (that's normal) except Elon Musk is allowed to tweet about the deal (lol) but not if he insults Twitter. I'll get back to the	1.9×	0	1.6k	350	69
46	Nov 10, '22	This is genuinely an unbelievable thing to tweet when you’re in serious legal and business jeopardy. It is a masterpiece. The Mona Lisa.	1.9×	0	2.1k	249	104
47	Dec 12, '20	Every lawyer who signed any of those briefs should be treated with total disdain. I’m sorry. I am not a harsh person. But this litigation was so far beyond the pale, so outrageous,	1.9×	0	2k	311	10
48	Nov 1, '20	There’s a Sikh man who lives near me takes his very aged father for a long walk, hand in hand, every single morning – whether it’s 100 degrees or 32, and every time I see him I fee	1.9×	0	2.4k	149	4
49	Nov 25, '20	Jenna Ellis’s fake Roosevelt quote just captures so many perfect things about the Trump legal team.	1.8×	0	1.9k	222	20
50	Nov 3, '22	I cannot imagine a legitimate scenario where a trial judge hugs one side's lawyers on camera, in public. That's ... bad in every way.	1.8×	0	2.3k	128	36
51	Jan 25, '22	We bought a faucet recently, and the salesperson asked us if we wanted it to be wifi capable. No? What?	1.8×	0	2.1k	185	20
52	Jan 23, '21	I went into a store this PM, and for the first time ran into someone who had printed out a "mask waiver" from facebook. They told her they wouldn't serve her. She put her stuff on	1.7×	0	2.1k	169	11
53	Nov 19, '20	You.... can't make something true by ... just saying it in a Rule 41 Notice of Dismissal. Otherwise all y'all lawyers whose Rule 41s say something other than "We are dismissing thi	1.6×	0	1.6k	317	21
54	Jul 12, '22	OK, here we are! Very first thing, confirming that indeed, Twitter is asking that the Court force Musk to buy Twitter at the contract price. Again, this case is NOT about a $1 bi	1.6×	0	1.2k	293	121
55	Nov 2, '20	"If I thought plaintiffs had standing, I would deny the injunction as to votes that have already taken place. " So he's making this bullet proof.	1.6×	0	1.6k	245	10
56	Nov 17, '20	Rudy was unable to express a single clear answer to anything the judge asked; he hardly understood the questions; and then desperately sought to amend his complaint again but didn’	1.5×	0	1.6k	222	12
57	Nov 17, '20	“If I conclude that rational basis applies, why don’t they satisfy that standard?” Rudy: “how is this rational?” That isn’t the answer Rudy.	1.5×	0	1.5k	102	20
58	Jan 3, '21	The life cycle of a frivolous appeal. Filed, 11:31 am. Motion to expedite filed 1:54 PM. Affirmed, 7:21 PM. Mandate issued 7:33 PM. It’s the mayfly of appeals, except it didn’t eve	1.5×	0	1.6k	245	14
59	Nov 20, '20	I’m seeing comments like this from the Trumpy right. Just to make this clear for everyone: you always lay out the goods before you show up in court. That’s… how it works. This idea	1.5×	0	1.6k	191	13
60	Mar 28, '20	@nycsouthpaw Did he… send a drone out to take this picture to put on the internet? Because that’s another layer of bananas.	1.5×	0	2k	50	4
61	Nov 25, '20	Ok, y’all are amazing. Was this you @jodyssanders?	1.5×	0	1.9k	67	9
62	Nov 17, '20	Rudy has no idea what levels of scrutiny are. Like he hasn’t heard of them.	1.4×	0	1.7k	86	14
63	Mar 3, '22	1: why is there LSAT score discourse on my TL??? 2: oh no.	1.4×	0	1.8k	122	5
64	May 6, '20	Look, If you ever think, gee I’m tired I’m not gonna do my work, Justice Ginsburg is here to shame you utterly.	1.4×	0	1.4k	289	2
65	Apr 26, '22	Elon really doesn't know how far the law goes, because otherwise there is going to be some pretty sick stuff on here.	1.4×	0	1.4k	157	50
66	Nov 17, '20	This is such total nonsense, I am in pain.	1.3×	0	1.6k	94	8
67	Nov 26, '20	Wow - Sotomayor contrasts the Court’s reliance on Cuomo’s allegedly anti-religious comments here with Trump’s on the Muslim ban.	1.3×	0	1.2k	274	40
68	Dec 5, '20	I would hide in a cave with only a parrot for a friend if I lost cases like this.	1.3×	0	1.5k	141	12
69	Jun 15, '21	The quoted email here is just shocking. Not that we didn’t know Trump was pressing DOJ to bring these claims. Of course he was. But in black and white.	1.3×	0	1.1k	348	40
70	Jul 3, '22	You could have quite a good podcast that was nothing but explaining, with no thumb on the scale, crazy making aspects of criminal law and a no lawyer would be the guest and they’d	1.3×	0	1.4k	178	62
71	Apr 17, '20	I've tragic news. My wife's first cousin, Hilda, died from COVID-19 this week. She was a lovely person, the maid of honor at our wedding. Our family is utterly crushed. There's a g	1.3×	0	1.3k	114	6
72	Nov 21, '20	I’m reading now. But the judge is… not amused.	1.3×	0	1.3k	150	34
73	May 4, '20	Imagine you’re the person who decided to cover up that floor.	1.3×	0	1.5k	150	13
74	Jul 3, '19	Sorry about being hyperbolic in tweets above but I am honestly flabbergasted that DOJ has to get in front of a federal judge and admit they don't really know what the President mea	1.2×	0	1.2k	295	2
75	Nov 10, '22	I don’t know what’s really happening with this website, but there’s a real Four Seasons Total Landscaping vibe at the moment.	1.2×	0	1.4k	160	9
76	Aug 7, '22	Lawyers: Listen, Elon, you were defrauded by this bot situation, you understand, and you relied on those frauds to buy twitter. We wrote that all down. Elon: Absolutely, like you s	1.2×	0	1.2k	171	52
77	Jul 13, '21	There were fewer options in every single category, the meat was bad, the veggies were bad, the fruit was bad, the cereals were bad, the restaurants were much worse. I'm talking abo	1.2×	0	1.7k	27	2
78	Jan 22, '21	I’ve sketched out the sources of American law as I now understand them.	1.1×	0	1.2k	161	15
79	Jul 14, '21	Also, since I can't leave well enough alone, especially when it comes to history, the notion that there was some golden age before the 80s is, alas, not true. The early 20th centur	1.1×	0	1.5k	57	10
80	Nov 17, '20	Rudy says he is “aggrieved” by having been made fun of. Join the club, Rudy. We are all aggrieved by you.	1.1×	0	1.4k	84	2
81	Jan 19, '21	History side-note moment: I read this 1776 report. I'll leave to others the various errors and whatnot. But it is a singularly bad piece of writing. Like how I wrote as a first yea	1.1×	0	1.2k	127	51
82	Jan 22, '21	It is genuinely heartwarming to me that my TL is split between being outraged at how stupid this is, and outraged at the complete misunderstanding of LOTR. Abandoned Gondor! The Ki	1.1×	0	1.4k	88	4
83	Nov 23, '20	"We're trying to disenfranchise up to 1.5 million people, not 6 million" is not the ace they think it is.	1.1×	0	1.1k	187	10
84	Nov 17, '20	He showed up in Court with a bunch of pictures but they're not in the complaint and he hasn't shared them with anyone and he's trying to hand them to the judge (no).	1.1×	0	1.2k	59	21
85	Nov 15, '20	@gtconway3d In a sense, he got it. Surely the competent lawyers he approached told him his claims were frivolous.	1.1×	0	1.4k	61	2
86	Jul 22, '20	Was just presented this chart of my performance as a father.	1.1×	0	1.2k	54	12
87	Nov 7, '20	This Alito order … does literally nothing to help Trump.	1.0×	0	1.3k	92	2
88	Feb 17, '22	Judge Smith calls for en banc reconsideration, even though the case is unpublished, because, in his view, the opinion overturns well-established Fifth Circuit precedent. "The Good	1.0×	0	1.1k	158	10
89	Jul 14, '21	Like if you're unsure why FDA regulates the amount of insects and rodent excretae there is in your flour, I have your answer.	1.0×	0	1.3k	64	14
90	Oct 20, '22	Ah, my favorite Westlaw result, a yellow flag on a supreme court opinion caused by a trial court casting doubt on the case.	1.0×	0	1.3k	56	20
91	Oct 26, '16	Hey #appellatetwitter: I collected all our verbal crutches in a google drive document. Let me know of others.	1.0×	0	733	86	176
92	Nov 2, '20	"I also do not find the voting to be illegal. These are registered voters who gave their ID."	1.0×	0	1.1k	120	3
93	Nov 23, '20	The Trump brief is now late. Again, probably nothing will happen to them. But it’s late.	1.0×	0	1.1k	121	7
94	Nov 19, '20	I could never have imagined the President of the United States would litigate like this. It's impossible that this is happening. And yet.	1.0×	0	1.2k	97	6
95	Jul 13, '21	And fast casual? Basically not a thing. Literally the best place to go with friends around me was pizza hut. You can make fun of assembly line burrito places, but they're much be	1.0×	0	1.4k	10	1
96	Nov 17, '20	A note: there is no actual answer to this, but the Trump non-Rudy lawyer is saying some words, but they are not in an order I totally understand.	0.9×	0	1.1k	62	10
97	Nov 17, '20	This is, to be clear, completely insane.	0.9×	0	1.2k	67	4
98	Nov 2, '20	Thank you all for the encouragement. I am pooped. And have actual work (I'm like a lawyer or some such). One last note: mighty lawyering from everyone involving on the side of vote	0.9×	0	1.2k	49	1
99	Nov 17, '20	I see there's some discussion about whether Aronchik is being too harsh on Rudy. It's harsh, but I don't think it crosses a line. Someone has to say on that side this is crazy.	0.9×	0	1.2k	54	6
100	Dec 11, '20	This may be obvious to everyone, but in case it needs to be said, SCOTUS needs to shut this mess (the Paxton lawsuit) down today. Asap.	0.9×	0	1.1k	81	4
101	Jul 13, '21	Oh, bread. My supermarket now has a bakery where it bakes decent bread with a real crust twice a day at least. It's not amazing but it's very good. That bread would have been at	0.8×	0	1.2k	12	1

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