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@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown61k followers

Writer/editor with @MSNBC Daily. Previously: @buzzfeednews. I make dumb jokes for smart people. As such, my tweets vary in quality. He/him.

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459k
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11k
Across 90 organic posts
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Oct 17
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Posts 90 posts
#DatePost↓ OutlierViewsLikesRepostsBookmarks
1May 29, '20I’m still stuck on using tear gas in the middle of a pandemic that hits the respiratory system64.1×0209k38k795
2Jun 1, '20the wind is antifa23.9×083k11k562
3Sep 13, '21my cousin’s friend took the vaccine and two weeks later BOOM! he got bitten by a møøse. do your research.20.6×075k6.3k315
4Feb 24, '22So something interesting that could be developing at the UN: Ukraine appears to be laying the groundwork to challenge whether the Russian Federation is the legitimate successor to 19×056k10k1.8k
5Jul 9, '21So what you’re telling me is that Zaila Avant-garde is not only the spelling bee champion, she is also The Most Interesting 14 Year-Old in America13.3×043k7.1k666
6Nov 20, '19Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney out here with that strong New York Irish cop energy as he gets Sondland to say clearly that the investigations Trump wanted would benefit Trump12.8×033k7.6k753
7Jan 15, '21Biden including a $15 minimum wage in his stimulus plan is huge Biden moving to abolish the tipped minimum wage and sub-minimum wage for people with disabilities in his stimulus pa10×035k4.4k227
8Dec 4, '18OR YOU COULD NOT HIT ON THEM. AND TREAT THEM LIKE PEERS. MAYBE THAT WILL WORK.8.6×030k4k44
9Sep 12, '18Warner Bros. Your franchise is in shambles. Make Superman black. Destroy the internet. Do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Do it.8.4×029k3.3k48
10Jan 11, '19ANGEL: ok we've got death, childbirth, and strife, any other punishments for the humans GOD: i call it the "empty carbohydrate." they eat it and it will do nothing to fuel their bo8.3×029k3.8k114
11Apr 30, '21does...does gen z know about "metrosexual"? that there was a time we had to make up a whole term for "man who grooms himself?"7.6×029k1.8k203
12Apr 24, '22It was a very stressful few hours okay7.6×031k977137
13Dec 12, '15"Hail Hydra"6.9×09.4k11k0
14Nov 5, '18guy who invented daylight savings time: and then in the fall you get an extra hour to sleep! us: wow yeah that sounds great him: [under his breath] and in exchange you get months o6.8×021k4.7k57
15Jul 5, '18GOD: [designing marsupials] ok ok. are u ready for this one? GOD: [holds up kangaroo] LOOK AT IT. ANGEL: stop. i can't. GOD: And... ANGEL: ??? GOD: IT'S GOT POCKETS ANGEL: STOP. WH6.6×020k4.5k94
16Oct 30, '19Manti Te'o's girlfriend didn't not die for Deadspin to go out like this5.8×020k3k84
17Mar 14, '17Overlooked in all of this: KellyAnne Conway seems to think Inspector Gadget was an inspector of gadgets, not a gadget-filled inspector5.4×013k5.2k3
18Oct 25, '211) the trans community must halt all uranium enrichment 2) the trans community must close down the plutonium enrichment facility at Fordow 3) the trans community must allow the IAE5.3×019k2.2k193
19Mar 12, '19Honestly this story has everything: - rich people in trouble - proof you were right about Those Rich Kids at your college - prosecution under the RICO Act - a Balkan water polo coa5.1×017k2.6k78
20Aug 20, '20this is from the episode where lisa sees a politician take a bribe and tears up her speech about american exceptionalism in anguish that the country she loves is actually rife with4.6×015k2.4k120
21Jul 6, '22el*n m*sk has nine children. nine. nine children, two of whom were secret until [checks notes] today. those two were born "weeks" before his second child with grimes, which was als4.3×09.5k2.3k537
22Apr 23, '21millennial culture is being hyped to get your second vaccine dose because any side effects mean you can be unproductive without feeling deeply guilty4.2×015k1.3k147
23May 6, '21I can’t believe this didn’t work.4.1×015k1.5k139
24Jun 10, '20So...Juneteenth. In the city where the Tulsa Massacre took place in 1921. As he’s pushing back against anti-racism that he sees as a threat to his presidency. This symbolism sucks.4.1×011k3.4k91
25Jun 7, '20I can’t believe this is a thing I’m about to tweet in a US context but: any plan to disband a police/paramilitary force needs to learn from the lessons of de-Baathification in Iraq4.0×010k2.9k461
26Apr 15, '19the people of the North when Grey Worm and Missandei roll up3.8×013k1.9k40
27Jun 13, '20noooo don’t throw away your literal chains stopppppp3.7×013k1.6k73
28Dec 1, '22It only took them [checks notes] 55 days, 17 hours, and roughly 25 minutes to delete this3.6×012k1.8k147
29Feb 16, '22He’s here He’s there He’s teaching how to share ROY KENNNNNNNT ROY KENNNNNNNT3.5×012k1.4k75
30Sep 24, '17Trump: [tweets about the NFL] everyone: ugh pls focus on real issues Trump: [tweets about North Korea] everyone: wait shit no stop3.5×011k2.3k0
32Dec 19, '22what could go wrong about a tax that must be paid before access to the polls.3.3×459k5.7k61840
33Jul 28, '20This is a rejection of the very concept of civil disobedience3.3×011k2.1k55
34Sep 26, '18Trump says if we brought George Washington back, Democrats would vote against him 100% I mean. Does he still own slaves?3.2×011k1.5k17
35Oct 23, '17KRIS JENNER: give me the 'you're damn right i stole those puppies' BARBER: say no more, fam3.0×09.3k2.1k0
36Aug 3, '19I dunno but people clap to it on the 1 and 33.0×011k1.3k44
37Jun 7, '23is it: 🔲 a cold 🔲 allergies 🔲 Covid [NEW OPTION UNLOCKED FOR YOUR REGION] 🔲 wildfire smoke2.9×394k8.1k91551
38Jul 24, '21WHEEEEEEEN THEEEEEEEEEEE PRESS WANTS SOME FACTS AND SAYS “SIR ARE YOU VAXED” THAT’S A-HIPAA2.7×09.8k91899
39Nov 4, '20me: okay, remember the vote counting and reporting tonight is going to be weird and we probably won't know anything before the morning. so stay calm, everyone my brain: except you.2.7×08.6k1.6k24
40Jan 21, '21it feels like having a sound system blaring at you on full blast for years and then suddenly cutting out. there’s phantom music in our heads. we can’t process things at normal volu2.6×08.4k1.3k111
41Apr 6, '17This photo of Trump and the first Vader scene in "Rogue One" is beyond iconic (📷:: Jim Watson / AFP / Getty Images)2.6×05.7k2.7k0
42Apr 7, '17Omfg. Bolivia, who called today's Syria meeting at the UN, holds up Colin Powell's 2003 picture, saying to remember that ISIS was the result2.6×04.3k3.2k1
43Jul 7, '18I’m watching “Romeo + Juliet” for the first time and imagine my surprise when I see Paul Rudd’s ageless immortal ass just Paul Rudding it up all over this movie2.6×010k63528
44Mar 6, '22This one is going to stick with me for a long time, not least because it’s a plan he came up with -after- spending four years as president2.5×08.1k945217
45Jul 13, '21I dropped my wallet on the street last night. No sign of it after retracing my steps three times. Our apartment buzzer just rang. No response when I answer. I go down and it’s an o2.5×09.9k39221
46Nov 4, '20human psychology is wild, we spent literal months telling each other that Election Night is a Myth and that things will be shaky and then the SECOND polls close, we're like "DELETE2.4×07.7k1.3k42
47Nov 8, '20You guys, think of how much brain space this will clear up. Like deleting a massive file that was constantly overheating your computer but you still couldn’t shut down2.4×07.7k1k92
48Jun 27, '15A black president lives in the White House that's lit up by a rainbow. America.2.3×04.5k2.9k2
49Oct 11, '19...the company was named fraud guarantee. The company was named Fraud Guarantee. THE COMPANY WAS NAMED FRAUD GUARANTEE2.3×07k1.4k38
50Jan 31, '15Vaccinate your kids "But I believe th-" Fuck you. Vaccinate your kids. "Parents should have a cho-" No. Fuck you. Vaccinate your kids.2.3×03.5k3.3k0
51Jul 14, '16HRC: And that one's...Charizard? aide: [slams flashcard on table] IT'S MAGMAR DO YOU EVEN WANT TO WIN THIS RACE2.2×04.3k2.7k2
53May 15, '18you, a fool: it’s laurel you, also a fool: it’s yanny me, who is wise: it’s2.2×06.2k1.7k14
54Mar 15, '20The most terrifying part of today has been realizing just how many people for any multitude of reasons don’t realize how real this is yet2.2×07.6k92431
55Jan 21, '22Mississippi, where Black people make up the highest percentage of its population than any other state, can no longer effectively teach why that is2.1×05.9k1.7k75
57Oct 5, '20"Trump told advisers on Sunday that he was getting bored being in the hospital and was tiring of watching coverage of his hospitalization."2.1×03.3k1.3k88
58Aug 28, '20Anderson taking a sip of coffee at 2:44 is what elevates this to art1.9×05.3k1.2k219
59Oct 5, '20I have never more wanted to skip ahead like five days and see where things are1.9×07.4k40816
60May 10, '20[kicks in door late as shit] YOU GUYS, KNIVES OUT IS A REALLY GOOD FILM1.8×07.4k23828
61Feb 6, '17spicer: I HOLD IN MY HAND THE NAMES OF FORTY TERROR ATTACKS THE MEDIA HAS REFUSED TO REPORT ON media: can we see that list? spicer: ...no.1.8×04.2k1.8k0
62Nov 6, '22shoutout to every one struggling at 6:45 PM not to turn into the sleepy time tea bear complete with little hat1.8×06.3k72954
63Jan 8, '21Shoutout to every digital journalist who’s just realized how many articles they now have out there full of broken embeds1.8×06.4k64740
64May 10, '17This is going to be the dumbest dystopia.1.8×05k97082
65Jan 7, '19damn if this isn't the most searing indictment of digital media hiring i have seen1.8×05.3k1.1k182
66Jul 5, '22I’m sorry but “Rich Nephew” is a very funny name for an anti-corruption czar1.8×06k78373
68Nov 3, '16ANGEL: Sir have you made up your mind as to which team you want to win GOD: ANGEL: You have no idea GOD: I have no idea send some rain1.7×04.2k1.7k0
69Oct 15, '18Twitter is a great tool for figuring out who aced the writing section but bombed the critical reading section on standardized tests1.6×05.4k87825
70Nov 8, '18This is my new favorite tweet on this website1.6×05.2k68116
71Jun 7, '18oh so this is how we die. neat.1.6×04.5k1.1k20
72Jul 10, '18This is the best quote/sentence you will read in any story about Trump’s new Supreme Court nominee via @dvergano + @Zhirji281.6×03.6k1.5k20
73Nov 27, '21Trans…formers?1.6×05.5k58630
74Mar 23, '20The idea of sending the “healthy” back to work falls apart when you take into account that we do not know who the healthy are because of the lack of testing1.5×04.9k95814
75Nov 11, '20The problem the Trump campaign is facing in its legal challenge is you get in very big trouble when you lie in court.1.5×04.5k91968
76Jun 25, '18The first black slaves got to Jamestown in 1619, so we will be at the point where black people in the US have been free longer than they were slaves in ~about~ 2112. Mark your cale1.5×03.8k1.3k41
77Oct 6, '20My screen time is crazy high right now and I can both feel and see how it’s affecting me negatively but I can’t look away from the disasters unfolding in the little box in my hand1.4×05k56037
78Jan 8, '18WHEEEEEEEEN THEEEEEEEEE white Google man Files a suit that is panned That's Damore1.4×04.3k7721
79Jan 3, '20tl;dr: this isn't world war III! It is, however, a thing that will: - likely trigger more, not fewer, attacks on US personnel - increase the tit-for-tat btwn US and Iran - result i1.3×04.2k749109
80Feb 19, '21the mole in the Cruz group chat earlier today:1.3×05k40137
81Oct 25, '18“I'm simply saying the racists believe he's a racist” is gonna go down in political dunk history1.3×04.1k72034
82Mar 5, '21Oh no the company that decided to stop making six racist books is being rewarded by having all their other books sell like hot cakes Whatever is the lesson that we should draw from1.3×04.4k58726
83Aug 8, '18If Infow*rs hasn’t violated your terms of service maybe you need to review the terms of service I am just spitballing1.3×04.5k5424
85Nov 25, '22I just texted my cousin and…I think the answer is yes???1.2×04.4k27596
86Aug 2, '19I’m just gonna go ahead and set my international relations degree on fire now thanks1.1×03.8k50824
87Jul 17, '17A Tale of Two T-Shirts: A 5 Train Story1.1×04.1k3630
88Feb 20, '22amazing. simply stunning work that would in past ages been confined to a newsletter with maybe 200 readers or spoken aloud at a party where the topic of conversation is awkwardly a1.0×03.8k27150
89Jul 2, '21And because I’m not allowed to swear in my copy, let me just be extra clear here on Twitter dot com: Sha’Carri’s suspension is bullshit1.0×03.4k52515
91Aug 6, '21my dearest hope for the missing $5K Japanese whiskey is that it was drank by some beleaguered low-level foreign service officers1.0×04.1k1319
93Nov 7, '20Did y’all just have that...lying around? Like was it in someone’s garage since 20181.0×03.6k38312
95Aug 12, '17That a bunch of bros with tiki torches think they're genetically superior to me is just the best1.0×03.1k5411
96Jul 7, '18Let nobody say that Croatia...coasted to the semi-finals ... I said COASTED TO TH- Look Croatia has the 15th longest coastline in the world despite its small size that is the genes1.0×03.4k3604
97Jan 14, '21how did we essentially eliminate commute time and yet still have net negative three hours to get things done every day0.9×03.5k25134
98Sep 2, '21ah yes the rare abortion rights/climate change anxiety doubleheader special tonight, I see0.9×03.4k28314

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